I had like 12 holidays that I wanted to declare, but one seemed right today. And I won't get into detailed specifics but I just think people in general are scared to keep things REAL. Whether it be the fear of opening up, the fear of getting judged, or maybe even the fear of not keeping up their "persona". Andddd since today is NATIONAL MAKE YOUR OWN HOLIDAY DAY (No, seriously it is--how fun) and I think we need a specific day out of the year to realize that we need to be REAL. Ya? Ya? I mean I think this holiday should be every single day! Riiiight? We should be keeping it real all day every day... But maybe today we can make a goal to be keepin it REAL every day. I am dedicating this post to "KEEPING IT REAL DAY" Becauseeee I'm all about that REAL LIFE SEAG! So here is my post: READY. Set. Go. ( I am such a good blogger---YAY...jk)
One thing that scares me so much is just throwing my feelings and thoughts out there into the universe. It scares me because what may make sense in my head (or in one persons head) for that matter will probably not make any sense into someone else's. But what I've learned is that people relate to REAL. REAL is hard. When you are REAL a little part of you has to open up fully. Which means people can judge their hearts out.
The last two years especially have been some of the most "gratifying" years to date. So many opportunities have come my way and it just humbles my little ole' heart. I feel overwhelmed quite a bit with so much happening.
A couple nights ago I was reading through my emails and every time I do that I just want to cry and yell and scream with excitement and go eat a thousand celebration donuts. Because, I never imagined people would be emailing me thanking me for opening up and talking about my story. My story about being a victim. My story about getting bullied. My weightless struggles and triumphs. It doesn't seem real.
As I reflected back on everything, I tried to think of a defining moment. (Because after all doesn't everyone have a defining moment--And there REALLY isn't for
Me) I mean I wish I could say, at this point in my life, this happened. But I am not too sure. And like I said I'm keeping it REAL ladies and gents. Looking back on everything I do know that one event, more or less transformed and came about to present other opportunities.
My last year of college I had to take a public speaking course. I was dreading it. Dreading it, I tell you. I had a hard professor and I knew NO ONE. Do you know those times where you walk in a room and you just feel like you have no connection with anyone? Well this was one of those times. Before the 1st class we had received emails from the teacher telling us to prepare a certain speech and we would give our speeches the first day of class. PETRIFYING.
The instructions said to give a speech about something that you are passionate about. With little to no hesitation, I knew I should do bullying. I had so many thoughts on bullying. I mean for PETE SAKES, I was a victim to this? Shouldn't that make it easier?But as I was preparing my speech, I realized that I never once was open about this to that many people. Let alone intimidating college students. Who I have never met.
I sat in the back of the room. My hands were ice cold and I honestly thought I was going to vomit. It was finally my time to get up. I stood up and literally swallowed my gum as I walked to the front of the room (rule #1- you will be docked five points for chewing gum.) COOL.
I started my speech the only way I knew how "You are fat. You are ugly. You are not good enough.These are the constant words I was told by a fellow classmate" I wish I could come up with some more verbs/adjectives or something but the only word to describe how I felt was petrified.
After a couple of minutes making sure that I was looking around and making sure that I wasn't using the word 'um' because heaven Forbid I get docked another 5 points. Ha! I saw this woman crying. I kept talking and i straight up heard someone sniff. And I was shocked. I mumbled through my speech and ran to my spot. Shoved two pieces of gum in my mouth and just waited till this awkward class was over.
I sprinted out of class and a girl in the class came up to me and thanked me for talking about that subject. I think this was the first time I was "thanked" more or less for talking about bullying.
A couple of weeks later we all met again to give our speeches. We had to keep with the subject we originally picked and we had to bring a prop. I researched about a prop that could go with 'bullying' and found the neatest exercise to do with a wrinkled sheet of paper! So I gave a whole new speech about the consequences of bullying and did the little activity. After class another lady came up to me and gave me her email and Hugged me and told me she had to email me asap.
I drove home wondering what on earth this classmate was going to tell me? Later that evening, she emailed me and She asked me to do the activity with her child and her friends (who bullied a neighbor) and at this point I was beyond nervous.
Weeks later and After the semester I was presented with the opportunity to talk to elementary and middle school age children/ high school students(OH MY GOODNESS SCARY)/ and college students about bullying. I felt so not qualified. I mean at the time I was studying elementry education. I wasn't a bullying therapist. Or expert. I didn't know the proper terms. I was simply overwhelmed.
After one of my speeches, I was talking to some junior high girls about bullying, and at the end (during small talk) I mentioned that I felt so under qualified. I told her I didn't even have my bachelors yet... And all my thoughts. The next week I received a letter from her telling me, long story short that my speech was so relatable because it was real, and true to me. She wrote that no qualification can 'qualify' you to how you really feel! It makes sense. And to be honest, I don't know how I was so naive to believe that my story didn't give me a reason to voice my thoughts and experiences regarding bullying.
Looking back at the opportunities that presented itself, I am just thankful that one opportunity led to the next. I remember when I first posted on social media about my thoughts on bullying and the messages poured in. It's crazy. I went to see an academic counselor my last months of college and she straight up asked me if I wanted to make a career giving speeches about 'bullying' and I laughed right in her face because who on earth cares about that My story. I didn't have any experience, and I never imagined how gratifying that would be. Looking back, I know she was placed in my life to give me something to think about. To give me more of an open mind.
I think opening up to people takes a lot to get used too. I have never been an open person, really. But this last year I have more or less opened up about certain things and the response is contagious. Emails telling me that they are/were a victim, and I gave them the power to speak up will forever hold a special place in my heart. I think people just have to be real and open and honest and genuine about life. Ya know?? I mean, so many people get bullied. Whether it is terrible names, via social media, texting, in person, gossip. It's such a "hush hush" subject because it's a terrible thing to experience. Why would people want to admit that they were not the "popular" or " most liked" girl or boy in their high school? Why would someone want to admit that someone made a mean fake account about them? I GET IT. I totally do.Everyone has a desire to be well liked. So when you are not, it's not the most pleasant to speak about. But I promise you, if you speak about the REAL experiences even if they are UNPLEASANT. People are gonna react. And they are going to react because I bet your bottom dollar they can relate. Let's keep today real REAL babes. Cuz who doesn't need a little "real" in the day. Xxxx.
