Last year on January 1st, 2013 I was with my boyfriend (at the time)so excited for a new year to come marching itself in the door. We watched the ball drop in my theater room and I had my first New Years kiss. ever. How precious. Hahaha;)
My life a year ago is so different then it is now. This New Years Eve I was on a date with Spencer. We went to city creek, did some shopping, dinner and then went to his family party in Bountiful. The final minutes before The ball dropped I ran to my car to grab my purse and Kyle came with me.. He asked me if I was excited to bring in the new year?
And then my mind went thinking...
Every year before the ball drops I always do a weird recap of the soon to be previous year. I could not even hold back my watery eyes in front of Kyle. The last year of my life has been the most influential and growing year ever. I think it has been the most influential because I have experienced so many firsts. In general in the last year I have experienced just SO MANY THINGS. Which caused me to grow up. A lot. My life has changed dramatically over the last year. After a billion thoughts that came to my mind I have narrowed it down to a couple events that this last year brought, that I learned to be thankful for.
-Last January I was in a relationship with a guy I had strong feelings for. Let's face it. I was head over heels in love with him. Dating this guy.. Taught me A LOT. But I especially learned to fall in love. I learned to love. I learned to let people in my life. I learned to be vulnerable. And I learned to trust.
-I then experienced a break up with him. My first break up. ( I have reflected a lot on all of it and I am so glad that I am in such a great place in my life with it all and can talk about it without feeling angry or sad). Even though I was upset that my relationship crumbled before my eyes. And I was upset at the time that things did not work out, I learned a heck of a lot. I learned that God puts people in my life for a reason. I learned to love myself during the time when I was single. I learned to be strong. I learned it was okay to cry. I learned it was okay to be angry. It was okay to be bitter. But I also learned to heal. I think for me, to learn to heal was one of the most important things I learned this year. A couple months after my break up I realized that I never had time to let my heart heal. I was constantly on the go. I didn't want to "lets say" deal with the fact that I missed being in love. I missed being in a relationship. I missed having someone that knew so much about me. I missed our stupid sayings and our cheesy jokes. I learned that you can not truly move on with your life until you accept the past for what it was and move on. This probably makes 0 sense at all but hear me out. After my break up I figured out who I was. It blows my mind that for 20 years I wasn't totally comfortable with ME. I lived my life almost basing it on what people thought of me. Looking back if I didn't go through something that more or less "broke my heart" at the time, who knows where I would be now. Even though breaking up was "mutual" I had some doubts. I was so scared I would never love someone? What if I should of tried harder? Blah. Blah. Blah. It was getting THE best of me. Probably typical break up thoughts but it got to a point it just made me bitter and sad for a while. I would see my ex at school and just walk a million miles just to avoid him. It was ridiculous. I feel like the best way I learn things is from experiences that happen to me personally. There is no doubt God knows that too. I started praying that I would be able to heal, and move on.. If it wasn't from the help of my Heavenly Father I probably would be still stuck in the past "reminiscing". Don't get me wrong I want the best for my ex, I really really do. I have thee hardest time listening to people bash him in front of me...however, the only way to describe how I feel is just..I don't care what goes on with him. And I am so greatful for that feeling and so grateful I finally moved on.
-In the summer I went on a road trip with my mom and best friend while taking 20 credits at school. I learned that homework is awful to do on vacations;) However, most importantly I learned that you need to reward yourself for hard work. Taking 20 credits in the summer really made me learn discipline. That was a roughhh semester.
- I also went on a trip back home. On the flight back 3 suitcases of clothes and items from when I was little got stolen from me. I learned to forgive more and I learned even more not to put my pride in worldly items. I learned to treasure memories instead of items more. Even though I love my clothes so much that got stolen. They were darling. And cute. And so dang expensive.
-I also have been on a ton of dates with guys who were totally disrespectful and so not respectful toward girls.I learned to not take offense. I learned to pick guys a little better. I also learned that one bad date just means a good guy is coming sooner than later;) And not to throw my hands in the air, and just give up. Which I wanted to do after every single date.
-In 2013 I also completed 3 more semesters of college. I learned to appreciate my education a whole lot. I also have never been so determined to graduate college either. Ever since I was little I pictured myself as a teacher. A couple months ago it hit me that I needed to change my major and for some odd reason pursue another major. I was/am still shocked. Next semester will be my first semester taking communication classes. This whole situation has taught me to pray to God and listen for his answers. I know this is what I am supposed to do for right now in my life. I am learning to have so much faith. I love having a plan. And elementary education has always been my plan. But now, not knowing what on earth I'm getting myself into just blows my little ole mine. But having faith in God and HIS plan for me brings me comfort. I know Gods plan for me is much better than 1/4 my plan could ever be. So this next semester will be definitely interesting.
- This last year my life has been so frequently consumed with so many children. Between student teaching for a semester, volunteering at an elementary special ed classroom, teaching the 8 year old class at my church, and nannying, I have been around SO many kids. They have taught me that life has so much GOOD in it. The innocence and love that they have for life is impeccable.
-4 of my great friends decided to ditch me and go on missions this year. I miss them so stinken much. Buuuuuuut having "my girls" out doing their mission stuff has made me so much more aware of the sacrifices that missionaries around the world are making. It totally opens your eyes when you know missionaries first hand. Yet alone your best friends all being missionaries. Soooooo I have been giving gifts to the missionaries in my ward. It has blessed me SO much and I have developed a love to serve. Weird. I know.
-Along that line. Before one of my best friends left on her mission we went on a drive. It was such an amazing experience. We laughed and talked about how much we would miss each other and how far we both have come. She jokingly said,"Ash you should go on a mission too!" And my response was probably some kind of chuckle and a big fat no. We kept driving and she looked at me and told me something like my mission could be just serving others who need it.. And for some strange reason it hit me. Since the day she left I have been trying to serve the people who need it. Every single time I see someone homeless I give them water, food, and money. I help children who needs toys. I talk with elderly people who need someone to listen too. The first couple weeks of doing this I had in my head "man, these people must really be enjoying me helping them" (That was like a compound sentence gone wrong or something--pay no attention to that). Ohh how prideful of me. And then BOOM. It hit me that I was the one learning from them. I am glad that in 2013 I learned to love serving others. When I drive off I always hear the words that my amazing bestie told me "that my mission could be here too".
