Happyhappy.

Sometimes if you walk into my room, you may just find me just smiling on pinterest, day-dreaming about my future, wearing a gigantic huge t-shirt, with shorts you can't even see, drinking diet coke, Celine Dion and country music blaring at the same time, while my feet are bundled up on my electric blanket on high, with my doggy laying on my back and legs like a crazy person panting to death..

These are the moments I absolutely love. These little moments make me so happy. Like almost to the point where I just want to smile for hours. Lately, I have decided that I am going to try to be happy more then I am. Don't get me wrong I am usually a happy person, I really am. But, somedays I get in these ruts where I just beat myself up...and realize later how many happy hours I have missed by choosing to be a grumpy girl. 

So after thinking about what makes me happy, I realized I am so freaking weird. (Even though I already knew this...) but seriously. So here are 50 normal ways to make me happy.

                                                                              :)

What makes me happy inside..

1.Listening to country people talk.

2.Celine Dion/Justin bieber/Shania Twain/ Michael Jackson/ and Usher blairing.

3.Drawing cartoon people

4.When the door is open for me

5.When people say "please" and "thank you"

6.The smell of rain

7.Windy weather

8.Getting butterflies

9.Loosing weight

10.Taking pictures of every moment of life

11.city lights

12.The thought of living in a big city

13.Day dreaming

14.Prank Calling like a 8 year old

15.Wearing huge clunky overbearing earrings

16.Fingers. Pretty fingers. 

17.Nail polish

18.Mormon messages

19.Riding on jet skies, and four wheelers.

20.Looking at wedding dresses/ wedding everything.Temples. Eternal Marriage.

21.The thought of being in love. Like holy cow. 

22.Knowing God knows me by name. 

23.Diet Coke with a lemon

24.When people surprise me.

25.Tanning

26.Summer nights.

27.Swinging

28.Colorful socks

29.Seeing the muscles.

30.Pretty teeth.

31. Watching basketball-watching dunks.

32. Watching Fireworks.

33. Shopping/Buying new outfits and wearing them right after

34. Eating out.

35. When people reassure me

36. Texting fast.Cute texts. Good morning texts.Everything.

37. Playing with little kids.

38. Little girl clothes.

39. Growing up--in a way.

40. Playing with hair.

41. Coloring books

42. Acting weird.

43. When I get compliments looking completely awful.

44. When people move the hair out of my eyes.

45. Forgiving people.

46. Chocolate-Smoothies-crunchy foods

47. Vacations!!!!!!!!!!!!!

48. Songs that relate to my life

49. Dressing my doggy up

50. Long pointless drives.

These pictures also make my hear happy.

Everyone deserves to find happiness. I remember the months I was so unhappy, and those were the worst, I am so happy that I am happy. (Sounds weird? I know.)Cheers to the happy little moments, that tickle my insides, and brings me joy.

There ain't no price for being nice.

Missouri has tons of sayings. When I moved to Utah, I couldn't believe that people didn't say these cheesy/clever sayings. One saying people don't say like ever out here is..             "There ain't no price for being nice"

(Truest statement ever in my book...)

      Recently, all I have been seeing, and hearing are people being so darn cruel to each other. It makes me so so sick. I witness, popular students pick on unpopular people, I hear awful comments being said to the boy who doesn't wear the "right" type of clothes...etc.  Hearing these cruel comments, none the less breaks my heart. 

   Every time I hear a rude comment made to someone, I feel like it probably affects me a little too. I have always cared about people. I remember when I was like 4 and played with dolls. I would always make sure my dolls were nice to each other. I have always wondered why when I hear someone make a rude comment to someone, that in a strange way it bothers me as well. Shouldn't I just be happy it wasn't directed to me? But NO. I feel like maybe it's because I know what it feels like to hear the nasty comments being said? I know how it feels to "pretend" it doesn't bother me. Maybe I know what it is like years later, to still hear those nasty words? 

  

     Being the unpopular kid through most of my school years, I remember the way most of us coped. We "pretended"  we didn't like the "popular" kids. We pretended the harsh/ cruel words didn't bother us. But deep down, I know it got to me. I know it got to my so called "unpopular" friends as well...

   Years later, I was fortunate enough to view this all from another spectrum.  When I graduated high school, I was confident, and a lot of other traits "unpopular" kids, weren't supposed to acquire. 

So what happened? 

The girls that once looked down upon me, wanted to be my friends.

The guys who wouldn't think twice about my name, wanted my number.

....

It hit so fast.  At that moment, I was flattered. I was so happy. Finally. I was in the "popular" crowed.  the crowed I always wanted to be accepted into. I remember when I first hung out with some girls, all I remember was I was so happy to be there.  To my surprise, all they did was gossip. Make fun of all the "unpopular" kids. They were down right mean. I could not believe it. About a month later, I discovered the negative effects hanging of out with them was also having on me, so I decided I would stop seeing all of them.

....

When I started my 1st year of college, I wasn't sure what would go on. Surprisingly, I somehow turned into a "popular" girl.  The "older kids" wanted to be my friend, and honestly I just felt "COOL"... I was invited to all of these events, parties,dates, and everything else.  I liked it. I liked having friends. I liked walking into a class, and having people want to sit next to me. I liked it all..maybe a little too much.. 

I remember one day when I was in my English class we were supposed to divide into groups. There was several less "popular" students, and then the "cool" students. I remember that moment so clearly. I didn't think twice about what group, I wanted to join. I knew I was considered "popular" in that class, therefor I would walk right past the "less popular" students, and go sit with the "popular" ones. Lots of weeks later, I realized that I wasn't happy. Being popular wasn't what I thought it would be. I didn't want it any more.

All my life, I always got the same compliment, "Ashley you are so nice".  I always told myself, that if I ever became "popular" I would be nice.  Well, looking back...I wasn't.  I didn't talk to girls, that my "popular" friends didn't talk to. Why? Because that was the "cool" thing to do.  I only gave out my numbers to the guys who were considered "popular". I can't believe I weighed being "popular" above being "nice".

I guess the saying "the grass isn't always greener on the other side" is so true. Ever since that day, I can honestly say I don't care if I am considered popular or not. It kills me seeing others doing what I experienced. Prioritizing being cool, over being nice. What matters the most is how you treat people. I am so glad that I realized this. Even though I felt "COOL" those 4-5 month, I missed out on being myself.

Nice>Fitting In. 

Welp.

This week has got to be one of the worst 10 days, I can even remember. I have never been so stressed, worried, and scared in my life. I hate the fear of  "not knowing".. I hate it so much, and that is exactly what is going on. Looking back, at all the struggles I have had in my life, they just prepared me for the next and next struggle.

I have never relied so much on God, and my family.

I talked to a woman yesterday, who was on bed rest, and she was super stressed out. But, she tried not to worry, because it would effect her baby..


When I  get stressed, I get stupid migraines. I used to take medicine, and they would just go away after 30 minutes. Since, my surgery.. I can't take medicine and it drives me insane! A couple days ago, my stomach started killing. I realized it was because I was so unhealthily stressed out about just everything going on in my life. I felt just like that pregnant woman. Knowing what is going on. Calling all day/everyday..and no one answering. Worrying about transferring schools, having all the classes filled, finals, paying for classes I don't even need...is so draining. Annnnd on top of that knowing, I can't stress out, or it will kill my stomach.  It's all a tad to much :)


I usually chalk up all my struggles, and just say "everything happens for a reason". When I moved, I knew there was a reason.  But for the life of me, I can't figure out why all of this is happening. I was doing "pretty good" this last week. I just kinda laughed about this whole situation... one bad situation...then the next...then the next.


But this morning, after getting 90 minutes of sleep, finding out that I spent a year in the wrong classes doing math, finding out that I have to pay $1000 on a class that will last 1 week, that I didn't even need to take, but have to now take ( So I don't end up with an F), getting put on hold for an hour, calling 6 different teachers and no one calling back, studying for finals, and having a whole 15 minute presentation to some how make up, doing this while having a migraine, and thinking about how all this stress is killing my stomach... I just lost it.


"Obstacles are put into your life, to see if what you want is worth fighting for..."


I am so thankful, I can talk to God, through prayer. I know that there is some reason,even though I have no idea what it is...that I am going through all this.

On the Twelfth day left of School...

Twelve More Days Left..Twelve.. 

On the twelfth day left of school...I blog.

:)

In exactly 12 days I will be done with my first year of college. Well Almost, then finals..But still. I'm finally seeing that darn "light at the end of the tunnel". I remember all my life, thinking about how people that go to college are always so OLD. Since, August I feel like I have grown up just beyond I ever thought I could. As much as I hated waking up in the mornings, hated studying all day everyday, hated driving to school, and parking miles away...I'm glad I did it.

          In January when I got sick, and got a little behind in everything,( since I just laid on the couch for literately 2 months, feeling so sick!) I feel as if I have been going and going, just to try to catch up with everything. Catching up in math. Catching up with activities I have missed, and catching up with friends,and family. I lost basically 2 months of my life, that I can't just let happen:) Well from February until now, I have been somehow trudging through school, taking classes I hate, and doing all this school stuff.

       All my life I wanted to be a teacher. I think partially it was because my brother is basically my age, and all my cousins are like a year younger then me. So I never really was around little kids, which I love. So when people asked me "What do you want to do when you grow up?" I would always say "teacher."  Once I became a preschool teacher, I KNEW I wanted to work with kids. The last couple of months, when people would ask me the same question.. and I would reply "Teacher." I just wasn't feeling it. I wasn't sure if I REALLY wanted to do that or if I was just sticking to the answer I have always told everyone.

(This is back when I taught preschool, I sure miss these cute smart kids!)

It's been so irritating/stressful, going to school recently, and just not knowing what I want to do. Not knowing what I should major in. Recently, I have bee praying that I would know what to do. Well what do you know? I was given the opportunity to volunteer with some friends at a Center for grieving children, but unfortunately I declined it, because I was so overwhelmed with school. I didn't think much of it at the time.

A week later, some students in my class at school, and I had to go volunteer for an assignment for 10 hours. So I heard about the Boys and Girls Club After school Programs.  Well today, was the last day there.. To tell you the truth, I was thrilled about it. The kids were CRAZY. 

....

Well, today even though the kids were crazy, even though I got boogers and grossness all over me, and even though hands and feet were going down my pants and shirt... I know that at this point in my life, that I should keep pursuing the classes, and everything in the teaching department. I have been so humbled going to the school, hearing about these childrens stories, hearing about there "terrible" home life...and especially hearing them tell me that their parents tell them that they arn't smart enough to go to college. My heart was overwhelmed. Hearing that proved to me, the reason I wanted to be a teacher in the first place.

I was pretty much the minority...

The girl in the black and red was so attached to me it was insane. When I told her it was my last day, she cried for a good hour. I'm going to miss these little girls, they have such a bright future ahead of them no matter what their parents tell them. One of the girls, begged me to come back every week, and teach her to do her math so she can pass 2nd grade since her parents won't help...

Thinking back, when I was offered the opportunity to go to the Center for grieving children, I know that was Gods way in answering my prayers, showing me how much I love children. I am so thankful, this opportunity came up again, and I could go to the Boys and Girls Club. It's crazy, after spending 10 hours with these girls it was AWFUL just AWFUL for me to tell them bye...

Almost as hard as this day...Telling my preschoolers bye..I absolutly hate telling all these kids bye.

 

BUuUuT. On a happy note of all this..

Aaaaaloooong time from now, when I am a mommy. I won't ever have to  stop, and tell them "BYE" for ever. I am so so so so grateful for eternal families, knowing that one day when I have cute little kids, I won't have to tell them bye after 2 years, like my preschoolers. I won't have to tell them bye after 10 hours, like my Boys and Girls Club kids. I won't even have to tell them Bye, at the end of our lives...Why? Because of Eternal Families. I am so grateful God placed the idea of "going to the Boys and Girls Club" in my head.. I'm so glad I have reassurance..:)

Twelve More Days Left..Twelve..