Alliepoo.

Allie loves her cherry dress oh so much!

Yes, I know I am so obsessed with my Allieface, but honestly I can't help it.

I leave her in 2 hours to go to Vegas, and I am having the hardest time. Even though my family will be watching her, ughh, I know I am crazy but I will miss her for those 7 days. And let me tell you the feeling is mutual. When Allie saw my suitcases she zoomed off to "depressed mode". I had to take a picture of Allie, tonight before I leave so I can out her as my wallpaper and stair at her 24/7. 

Yes. I skype/facetime with my dog. Laugh all you want.

Hahaha, I felt quite odd/motherly like when I wrote my brother a To-Do list for my puppy. Here is what it consisted off.

-Wake Allie up before 2:00pm.

-Let Allie outside.

-make sure gates are shut.

-Give Allie water.

-Walk Allie around block

-Give Allie treat

-Comb Allie

-Make sure Allie doesn't have any hair in her eyes.

-Give Allie treat

-Put pajamas on Allie

-Put 4 furry blankets on my bed, time for Allie nap.

-1hr later.

-Wake Allie up.

-Give Allie Octi( her octopus toy, if she has him to much she gets tired of him hahah)

-Feed Allie dinner

-Put clothes on Allie

-Make sure you leave night light for her.

-Crack door.

hahahah, That was my amazing list. Yes, I do love it.

Allie, gets cold when she sleeps. She was born this way. Every day sfor the last 3 years, I have been dressing her up in baby clothes. And she is so adorable. She is 80% baby. 20%dog.

I'ma miss you Alliface.

Wish me luck.

I love you.

Happy(late)Birthday Juliepoo!

Okay okay... here is the story

Once upon a time, Julie and I were bff's at the age of 1.We were forced to wear these hott outfits, and celebrate our 1st, birthday together..

We would play in the amazing turtle sand box together like good girls..

Then when we were 2 1/2 we decided we had no musical talent. So we banged the piano, to make everyone crazy.

Then when we were 4 we went on our first vacation TOGETHER. We went to Florida.

Hahah, When we were 6, our parents forced us to play basketball. (We figured out we also had to athletic talent, mind you) So we would hold hands( like the picture above) And run up and down the court holding hands, I'm sure the coaches wanted to kill us.

This picture is when we were about 9. Hahaha. We are so photogenic. I don't have any pictures upoaded on my computer, from when we were 9-13. Don't worry, We were going through our "ugly stage" hahaha.You arn't missing anything.

We were supposed to be looking like elves. haha. We were 14 here...

We are 15 here. We had our first "high school" class together. We would always pretend we didn't know each other the first day of school, because if the teacher knew she wouldn't sit us by each other. Out last names our K and M so we always ended up right next to each other. We thought we were so clever LOL. I'm sure the teacher was happy we turned into such amazing friends the 2nd day of class.

This was my 16th birthday party. So this is our last picture together, before I moved.

So 6 months later, Julie comes to Utah. We had thousands of these signs. Even though 6 months is a while, it seemed at the time like 5 years. 

This is our first picture after the "move".. it was a magical moment, to say the least.

hahah This picture cracks me up, if you know me, you know I don't know what to do in snow. Missouri doesn't get snow. So When Julie came out here for Christmas, we decided we would discover snow together for the 1st time. We went sledding down this huge hill(So we thought) with helmets on, we looked like the biggest joke. 

Our last picture together, before she flew back to Missouri. We were balling our eyes out. It was awful.

6 months later, Julie comes back to Utah. This was like at 4am. On the way home from the airport.

This is either mine or Julie's 17th birthday...

We went on a cruise together before she left..These men were the average height of every one in that country. We looked like tall beasts for once!

Once again, saying good bye is the worst. So another day of balling our eyes out.

Well hello 6 months later. So 6 months later, I flew back to Missouri. This was our first picture again:)

This was us at Christmas!

Us on New years!

Here is our little bestie picture.

So every picture, we have to beg each other for serious smiles.Hahah, obviously Julie didn't want to smile. The next few pics are just pics I love of her.

hahah, Oh Julie.

Now this is the best picture. For Christmas, Julie wanted to know what I wanted. And the only thing I wanted was Julie to put her head in the toilet (inside joke, when we were little) So my other cousin. Julie's sister, shoved her head in the toilet. I never in a million years thought I would see this gross sight. Hahahhaha.

Sadly again, this was our last picture, before I flew back to Utah. This was the hardest good bye.

It has been 7 months..

Sadly. It will be at least a year before we see each other again. Due, to school and work. Hopefully we can see each other in December. I miss you Julie.

I really meant to post this yesterday.(The day of her birthday).. But if you read my last post, I am about dead. Julie, is my best friend/ cousin. Everyone who knows me, knows Julie. Even if they have never met her. I talk about her all the time. Any situation that "we have a memory of together" I always just die laughing. So I was reading another girls' blog, and whenever someone close to her, had a birthday she would make a post for it. Good idea eh, I thought so!

Julie is hands down, the funniest girl I know. I can't tell you how many times I about had a heart attach trying to keep in my laugh. This is the first time we both have missed each others birthdays. It really breaks my heart. Another sign of us getting older.. No matter what though, I know we will always be close. Julie is 1 month younger then me, so we have had 18 years of constant bonding, so I cant even imagine any one replacing the "bff" position. She has taught me to be myself. I have never met someone who can walk around and just tell people how it is. (This is the reason, she has almost gotton shot by gangs mind you haha) She is the only person that gets me. I do believe, best friends have a "different language" I guess you can say. We have done everything from, learning to put fake lashes on, buying extensions together, going on cruises, taken 3 month long trips, bribing a police man to drive his car, singing karaoke in men voices, rescuing each other from parties and thousands of more. Back when I lived in Missouri, Julie lived with me for 7 years. She became like my sister. I have never been so close to some one. When we moved out here she stayed back in Missouri. I felt like half of me, was gone. It was so hard for me opening up, and making friends. Knowing, no one can take her place. Between barking at strangers, making the ugliest dance video's and sending them to people, running around with a towel over her head up and down the street, eating grasshoppers, or whatever she decides to do, she always makes me laugh. We have always had the craziest hours. We will stay up until 6am, then sleep all day. Matter of fact she is up right now hahah. We have had 5 high school classes together, and they were the best. Happy Birthday Best Friend, I love you more then words can say.

Pack rat.

It seems like so much has been going on. I love vacations. But I hate the "prep-week" before them. I wonder if other people, have this week. Well, I have been slowly putting it off. Day by day. Tonight it hit me, "Ashley! You are leaving in 2 days!" Ahh. So as I rushed home to think about what I am going to wear, (what to wear is never a big deal for me. Except when I go on vacations, it's weird I know) So I strategically planned all my outfits out, different colors for different days, you get it. Well. I am the worst packer ever. I pack so much. Because even though I know Vegas will be 110 degrees (ohh my gosh do you realize how hott that is??) I don't know if I will be at a restaurant and get cold, so I pack pants, and jackets. It gets me into tons of trouble because, I never can find anything. Or I leave half of my items in the hotel. Also, I feel like I need to stalk up on make up before I go. I think, what if my foundation falls on the floor and shatters, then I will have no foundation. Gross. Or if my eyeliner breaks? No no way. Sooo I end up buying products, I never ever hardly use just for the satisfaction that I will be prepared.

I can't even begin to type how awful it was to pack everything up to move out here. It was one of the worst situations. And I hope it doesn't scar me for the rest of my life. Seriously. haha.

I have been staring at my suitcase, wondering if I should pack it up tonight, and be super good. Or should I wait until an hour before I leave. Sadly, the hour before I leave case, has got the best of me!

check that.

Oh how I wish this was my "To-do list" for tomorrow. Tomorrow, is so hectic. When I stress over things to do, I just can't sleep. Which is awful since, I will be now having an exhausted busy day. It's 4:00 am now, and I have to be up at 8:00. Shoooot me. Ever since nannying, I act like a little mommy and make tons of to do lists. I feel so dumb, when I write out my check list haha. But I do admit it helps me so much. I hate being organized. I find the weirdest thrill when searching through my purse looking for my license. Or searching the house looking for a shoe. Some times I wonder whats wrong with me, when I receive so much pleasure finding my missing item.

So here is my agenda for tomorrow. 

alarm: 7:00.

snooze: 7:30.

leave the house 8:00

Go to Simply Mac and cancel computer class

Go to Dentist.

Go to Sally's.

Go to Walmart.

Go to Walgreens.

Go to Ogden, to get weber card.

Go to Crossroads.

Nanny for only 2 hours. Thank goodness.

(Somewhere take a nap?)please.

Run 2 miles with Colton.

And all this needs to be done by 6.

ugh. Maybe it's not that much, but it sure seems like it.

In 7 days I will be in Vegas. Thank goodness. ( I would also like to go shopping tomorrow for some clothes, and sun glasses). Since my baby's broke.

Adios.

Life's like an hour glass glued to the table.

Sara Evans.

You have kept me going. The song "stronger" is the story of my life. So the last couple of weeks, have been stressful, fun,overwhelming, and I have been tested so many times. As my blogs, show how I am feeling haha, you probably have noticed. My brain thought "Ashley, since it's summer, why don't you do everything, why don't you keep yourself busier then ever" I have had something going on every day. Especially every night.  I have never been to so many get togethers, so many party's etc. Every night I am out with friends, every morning I am sleeping in, so I ca stay up all night having the time of my life. It is an endless cycle. Today I made an effort just to stay at home. Just to relax and take care of the important things. Instead of running out and buying a cute shirt for a party? You see what I am saying. It's really hard for me. I love going out. I love having fun. I love my friends. I guess most people experience this life style when they are grounded. Fortunately for me I have never been grounded, or made to stay at home. So now I am "grounding myself" Colton says haha. I have been so productive today. I went to Crossroads, and did 12 miles. 12! Yesssss. success. Have I mentioned in 8 whole days I will be in Vegas. I am in love with Vegas. Call it dirty and trampy all you want, but I love that place with my whole heart. So I went and bought my "cosmetics" for the trip. Hahah That is first time I have ever said cosmetics.BTW. Then I went to get Allie face a new leash, she bit through her old one haha.

That was an experience in itself. Allie gets super car sick. She hates driving around with out the windows down, I swear she is human. Allie, doesn't have a lot of common since though, so she would just jump out of the window, if I let her. So I have to put a leash on my poor puppy, and make sure she doesn't decide to jump out of the window. (extremely scary drive let me tell you). Of coarse my baby had to be dressed up, because you just don't go nakey in public right? So she was wearing her Silver sequined outfit. And ribbons in her ears. She looked precious. She even got her picture taken 4 times, she got a future let me tell you...

I forgot to take a picture of her, and man I wish I did. But she may have even looked cuter then this picture. Notice how she is so posing. I love my Allie girl more then anything..:)

Whats new? I just went off subject again. I could be the best rambler. Then, I went tanning in my pool, called a million people back (I am so bad aat calling people back), I cleaned my room a tad, took all 3 dogs on a walk, annnnd now I am planning on painting the nails, and doing the brows haha. I feel like today I have no social life, and I am completely needing it. 

As I sit on my porch swing, while my phone is buzzing. I think about how chaotic life is. 

I don't think you realize how much you have going on until you make a counties effort to live a day doing nothing.

bye bye vegies.

I loved today. 

I loved everything about it. 

Today was my SPLURGE DAY.

This means I stop my vegetables, I stop my water. I stop my healthy foods. And I eat. I am so proud of telling you my fatty foods. Okay listen up. So recently I have tried the Mcdonalds smoothies. (on my splurge days) they are fantastic. They are just so good. The strawberry banana and pineapple mango are to die for. So I highly recommend it! hahah. Okay so all my friends love to go to fast food places, I used to go with them all the time also, but ever since my diet I just go and sit. It't not a whole bucket of fun. So when I go and get asked,"Ash why arn't you getting anything?" My answer has been.. I'm dieting untill my splurge day July 16. Hahaha I guess my friends also have an amazing memory. I have gotton smoothie after smoothie. Hahah. I just have the most amazing people in my life. So after an afternoon of swimming. I went to the Lagoon shows with my mom. My mommy is so amazing. Everytime, I am with her I have such an amazing time. She deserves so much. After I went to hang out with Colton,Blake, Jeremy, and Landon.  I never understood how much I love those guys. It seems like everytime I am with them I pee my pants laughing. Other then the fact, they hack my facebook, send embarassing messages to strangers, and lock me in the car every other day I would do anything for them. I now officially know how to upload pictures. So here are just a few pictures from these last couple weeks that I love. I'll even be a doll and explain why I love these pics.

Well. I don't know why this picture is backwards. But this is spiderman pop rocks.Yeah you heard me.

I love love love spiderman. And I love pop rocks. And I love Blake, it was an amazing gift. Yes you can bet I have the package still.

LOOK. Doesn't this picture make your heart die of happy blood? I hope so. I love glitter. I love sequins. I got my Silver sequined UGGS for Halloween last year, so those were my winter glitter boots. I have plenty of glitter flip flops. But I finally came across silver glitter flats, and oh em gee I fell in love.

hahah, I love this because we are so cool. We drive to Centerville to look at the waterfall. I mean what else do you do on Thursday nights at 1am? This.

Hahah. I love how Utah is crazy. We went up to the mountains in July and there was so much snow. Here is this big snow blob I discovered. cool huh? Yay utah.

I go to Lagoon to ride baby rides? Darn right I do. I hope I never grow out of this stage. I found a 2 foot goose to ride, and I loved it. I also made goose sounds the whole time. Be jealous.

I love everything about my brother. I love how he hates his picture getting taken.

I love fireworks. I love the 4th. I celebrated this holiday for like a week straight. 

Welp there you have some pictures of the 1st week of July. 

waiting it out.

Some days I wish I could be 3 again. I wish I could walk around with a smile all the time. I wish I didn't have to worry about things. I wish I could only worry about, the simple things in life. I wish I was happy 24/7 like I used to be. Those 3 year olds don't know how well they have it. There seems to be a dark stormy cloud above my head these last couple days, and I wish I could say that the cloud will pass by tomorrow. Who knows. Every hour seems like a new delima comes up. I'm sick of being blamed. I'm sick of ignorant people. They say if you fake smile when you have a bad day, then the fake smile will turn real? Heck with that. That did not work out. At all. I wish I could of smiled today and meant it. But it didn't work. Today has been terribly hard for me. Just the fact of knowing what today is. Everything has changed with in the last year. I have lost so many people. The people I used to be the closest too have vanished. Some of my closest friends, have made stupid decisions, causing us to go seperate ways. It simply breaks my heart. I know that trials make me stronger, I have seen myself become so much stronger by enduring trials that face me but when does it stop? I guess I am not as strong as I thought and wanted to me. I have to keep reminding myself that every thing happens for a reason... As of today I was a walking emotional wreck. My friends don't know, because I don't share things. I keep it in. I fake the smile. And pray it will be real.  I am so glad I only have just like 2 followers, because only 2 people can read my craziness. Any way, here are some cutie patootie pictures of me..:)

I miss being so super close to my cousin Lisa. I miss that a lot.

I miss the way my brother just adored me, and thought I was the coolest.

I miss believing in things..

I miss dancing 5 days a week..

I never realized how much I took for granted.

Thats the way the cookie crumbled.

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Embrace

Today was another good day. 

I pray I am not cursing myself.

I love having happy days.

However, I ran around with my head cut off.

I averaged 3 hours of sleep. ( I can't sleep anymore), went shopping, hung out with some old friends, went to Lagoon with my momma, late night wal-mart stop with great friends, then off to persuading people to vote for me on this contest (If you are reading this and have not voted, please contact me!!!) I feel like such a pest. I have been contacting literately everyone on fb just so i can win a vacation to San Diego! 

I wish I could sing and dance. Even though I know this will never come true. I still admire people who can so much. Going on stage, giving it your all, in front of a judging crowd. I go to Lagoon, and watch the shows there. They are great. I mean sure they arn't Carrie Underwood, or Michael Jackson, but they are good. I admire them a lot. Watching them have a great time, singing and dancing up there inspires me.

Talk about an offer? Today I was offered a job. When I was offered it, I turned around and couldn't help but ball. It wasn't the "ugly cry" Oprah would say...but it was a happy cry. I was offered to be a Weight loss Coach. It was such a complete shock, I couldn't even respond I just stared. This man knew my weight loss journy and everything. He said I was one of the most hardworking, ambitious, enthusiastic girls he has ever met. And that he has seen that I have a special kind of love for people. He said whenever I wanted the job I could easily get it, just let him know.

He also offered me this other job. Again as I was standing there hearing about another job, I could barely breath do to the fact, I was trying my life not to cry infront of this man...looking like such a freak lol. He said if I rejected the Coach job, then he would love to take me with him and 3 other adults. ( They are like 40) With him to different conventions, and schools, being a motivational speaker. Talking about loosing weight, gaining confidence, ect. As much as I dreamed about being a motivational speaker when I was in 2nd grade, I'm not sure how I could handle doing this.. This is all too new for me to think about esp so late.. I mean $350 a speech is amazing. But am I ready for this? How can someone with no experience just get up and do this? Ohh my life is changing.. And I'm trying my hardest to swallow it all..

Sadly, I will be rejecting it as of now I think. Summer has another month and a half, and then college. Maybe next summer. Maybe next. I have never really thought about anything like that before. I still feel shocked and proud. I have never been proud of my self. When I accomplished my "loosing weight goal" I was proud. I now look in the mirror and feel good. If I was to tell myself a year ago, that someone was going to offer me a big buck making job like this, I would be shocked. If I would have known that I would be where I am today I would more shocked.

It's crazy how everything works out. Its crazy how things fall into place. Its crazy how God knows what is going on. Its crazy how, going through "hell" is the best thing for you. It's crazy how hitting rock bottom, can flip your life around.

On an easier note..

The Bachelorette is on tonight! Man I love that show.

Boom-ahh-rang.

Boomerang Love? 

Saaaay Whaaat?

The last couple days, I have heard of the foreign words. "Boomerang Love" 

It's sending love to people you encounter. Sending love to friends. Being positive. You get the picture? Then love, happiness and joy will boomerang back at you. Thats my way of explaining these foreign words.

So I am trying this out.

By the way can I just say today has been nothing short of happy. Nothing short of joyful. I love watching prayers work. That could be my favorite thing...

So here I am watching Keeping up with the Kardashians...

and lovin it, mind you. Loving the heck out of it.

I adore these reality shows. Between Keeping up with the Kardashians, My Paris Hilton show, Basketball Wives, and The Bachelor, I'm complete in my reality department. Diss all you want on the "reality-drama filled shows", but their my favorite.

My sleeping schedule barely exists anymore, and if it does it's abnormal hours.

Let me explain.. Last night was a fun night, which consisted of getting home at 3. Going to sleep at 7. Waking up with a friend coming over at 8 delivering my phone charger. Then feeling crazy hyper ( you know the feeling with no sleep for weeks?) So then I decided, I was going "attempt" to run my butt off, for the first time in forever. So Tye and I ran until I about died. Seriously. Then it was 10.. church... then I took my nap for 2 hours, until getting woken up again.. So for the last 3 days I have gotton 5 hours of sleep. But I do love having good days, spending time with friends.

Here is my blogging for tonight. Loves.

Shocka!

extra small?

extra small?

There is no stinken way. So I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, with  this whole "loosing weight" journey. I ordered extra small pants, about 2 weeks ago. I have been dying to get my new summer stylish outfits. THEY FIT. I AM SO PROUD, YOU GOT NO IDEA. The thing about loosing weight and shopping is this..IT IS SO HARD. 1st off, You flectuate sizes every day. Which is good. It's crazy for instance. I buy an amazing pair of pants. I wear them what 3 times? Then 2 weeks later, they are hideously big. They sag like no other and are way to big. Plus your wanting people to see how skinny you are, so wearing your "fat clothes" just makes you look fat. See the point?

So every 2 weeks you have to buy more and more. Which has taken all my money these last 5 months-ish. So now i have buckets and buckets of "fat clothes" its crazy.  So for the month of June, I decided, since it is summer, I will just have a couple of outfits, until I get to a size that I want, then I will buy tons of fashionable clothes! holla! Good plan huh. Back to the basics. Soo.. I ordered these cute leggings in an extra small. And a grey tunic!! Okay. No bragging,  but I felt good. I felt really good.  Me an extra-small? There is no way. I mean yes my butt is rather ghetto. My thighs are chunky monkeys. My hips, are rather big for my waist. My tah-tahs are big, and my collar bones are poking out... But nope, those insecurities did not get to me. 

I used to be so fearful of compliments, so fearful. Well Saturday night was Jaxons' birthday. It was really a while ago but,  it still counts right? Okay so it always seems like my favorite nights are the nights that I don't have anything planned. The nights where you feel like you are totally yourself, and your thrilled to death. Thrilled. Sooooooooooo. It was just Jaxon, Ryan, Steve, and Casey. and of coarse me. (Well.. when I blog I feel like I talk about the stupidest stuff, I never know why I mention things, like their names, what the good heck????ahhhh) So I asked Jaxon what we should do for his birthday and this is the list we got. 1. hike 2. slc. 3. random drive 4.eat popcorn in the mountains 5. I can't remember #5 for the life of me.. Anyway we did all this.  Hike's are deff not my fave thing to do in the world, and i despise popcorn more then anything.. So I was going to me Timmy the trouper. Any way Jaxon told me how pretty I looked, and how I had a glow about me. 

HA. Your probably thinking I'm just weird just about now.. but wait.. listen up. I was like "ohh thanks Jaxon.." But here we go.. Get it? I just accepted the compliment. It has been one of the 1st times I just accepted it. Usually I just say "oh stop it haha" or something along that matter. That was a gigantic step for me. I'm so happy. I am so happy with who I am. Who I am working to become. Happy Day To everyone:)

Need a getaway..

What do you do when you can't sleep because of your stupid foot?

FACEBOOK

But what if you have been on Facebook for too long?

BLOG.

What if you already blogged tonight?

Blog again...

So here I go again. haha.

Growing up/ Future Plans.

Ughh... So I am 50% excited to grow up. 50% scared to death. Growing up to me, means graduating college. Getting an amazing teaching job, marrying my Mr. Right, then having children. 

But where in the god heck does traveling come in. People say you travel the world once you rettire. But what the good heck, I ain't waiting that long. I love traveling. I can say I have been very blest as a little girl.I think I love traveling because we would do that all the time when I was little. We would go on at least 1 big vacation when I was little. Ive gone to about 44 states, and tons of islands.I have gone to Alcatraz, cruise after cruise, mexico, Jamaica, Hawaii, and countless other islands. But since I have gotton older our vacations have gotton less adventurous. Why do vacations cost so much? Why does a flight cost so much?

So doesn't this sound great. Pausing your life for 2 years and just traveling the world? Just think you could start off in California, go to Disney Land, visit Alcatraz, take a trolly and sight see. Then fly to New York, visit all the Broadway shows, look at the lights, see celebs. Visit Texas, find your self a cow boy. Visit all the Beaches,swim with dolphins, visit New Orleans, go on the largest Ferris Wheel. 

Then fly over to England, Paris,look at the Eiffel tower. Fly to Tokyo, and look at all the sights their. Watch the workers throw fish, visit France and throw coins into the fountains, visit Europe,  ride animals in Africa, and visit Oprahs' girl school there. Then help out the children in Guatemala. These are just some of the places I would love to visit. Some people may say this is never going to happen, some people may think I am crazy. But I want it, real bad.

The question is when do I do this?

I can't do it before College, I'm starting that in a couple months. Once I start college I will be a poor broke college girl. So how about once I graduate? I will still be broke and looking for a teaching job then. Now lets say I find a teaching job, teachers arn't the richest girls in the world. So then I will need $$$. And lots of it. Problem again. Summer is 3 months.  Would this trip be longer then 3 months? Ohh how I wish. Do I want to take this trip with my husband? Or do I want to take it by myself. I would say husband for sure. Visiting all this with your love of your life? I'm so down for it. So my "future hubby" better  better love to travel.

Then the next question. Do you take your children with you? This is a crazy choice. If my mom was doing this, I would die if I wasn't taken. But I don't want to wait for them to be at a age where they can remember. So maybe this will all happen sooner rather then later. Maybe I sound a bit unrealistic and crazy. But there is nothing to do in Layton Utah. Sure you can go to Temple Square and site see, but once that is over then what?

Nothing. 

I want to travel the world, learn languages, talk with people. Maybe I should get a job that requires me to travel? My children would then have too choices. 1= travel with me. 2= have no mommy around. That just seems awful to me. 

Man oh Man.. Dream, please come true..

Cuz you had a Bad Day.

 Whaaataaa day.

How come when one thing goes wrong, everything goes wrong?

Today has been not the greatest for me.

Top 5 reasons why...:(

1st off. Today has been 9 days since my injury. The doctor said on day 9 I can walk around with out crutches, or that ugly wrap on my foot for about 3 hours. So today was that day!!! I was thrilled. I hated walking slow. I hated limping. I hated crutches. I hated my food being hott in that ugly device also. Well after the 1st hour I about died. My ankle/foot kills. It was awful. I went to Lagoon to walk around for 3 hours, and after the first 15 minutes I just wanted to cry. Not to mention the medicine I have to take to "reduce" the pain in my foot, side effects is migraines. I have had a constant migraine for 3 days now. Its torture.

2nd off This morning I was driving on the highway. When my jeep just stopped working. Scary experience let me tell you. My phone was dead also, yeah I know great huh? But after an hour in the burning heat and a quick prayer my poor baby started back up and I went as fast as I could back home.

3rd off The new clothes I ordered at V.S was somehow "lost" in the mail. Mind you I have been patiently waiting for 39 days, since they were on back order. So now I have another week to patiently wait.

4th off this weekend is my friends birthday, and we were all going to the lake, but nooo I have to work part of the time. Yaaay. Plus if I decide to go, I can jet ski, swim, or get on a tube, thanks to my lovely foot I can't even move.

5th off some random vicious stray dog jumped the fence to torture my sweet Allieface:) Talk about an extreme stressful situation. I was having a slow heart attach let me tell you.

Ps. This will be the 6th. I miss Missouri. I miss the people there. I miss the places there.

I miss knowing the streets, and knowing how to get around. Don't get me wrong I like it here...but when you have grown up all your life somewhere, that is your "home". And it is terribly hard to adjust to a new house/city/state, that you call "home.

But you didn't give him a chance..

"While we try to teach  children all about life, children teach us what life is all about."

It seems like ever since I have heard this quote. I wondered if it was really true..I have no children, my "little" brother is almost 16, and my "youngest" cousin is 15. 

In the last year, it seems like I have constantly been around children. It all started, when I got the job at the Davis pre-school. I was so so scared! Yes, I have babysat, but that was 4 children at the most! How can I be around 30 children at a time. How can 30 children fall in love with me? How could I fall in love with all of them? I was petrified of theese cute kids liking me. After the 1st minute, all my fears went away and for 10 months, I can say I had the time of my life. Those kids, taught me the true meaning of loving the little things in life.

I have been watching a 5 and a 7 year old girl, a couple times a week. Today I picked the 7 yr old up from a birthday party. She made sure to let me know her hair had to look perfect, because the boy that she liked was attending. After spending 1 hr on her extremely long hair, turning every strait strand into the crispest curl you have ever seen, she was ready to go.Finally.

I thought the party would go great, she would get their, feel like 10,000 bucks, her "crush" would tell her how pretty she was...you know what you picture in the cute movies...Well, I came to pick her up, and she was balling. It was awful, her face was splotched up. She told me her "crush" was being mean, he was with his boy friends and they decided to ignore her to be funny.. Well let me tell you this girl did not think it was funny. She cried hysterically for the next 2 hours But  she fell asleep..It was awful watching this...:(

Welp, the reason I typed this out is because once the 7 yr old cried herself to sleep, her little sister (age 5) was still awake. She was all distressed about her sisters crying. She told me that one day when her sister gets older that she will know that life is not all about boys. That boys were mean with their boy friends, and only sometimes nice. She then told me about this boy she used to like before he moved, but she found another boy so fast. haha. Before bed she gave me a book to read, I forgot the title but it was a little kids fairy tail ending. The kind you grin while you are reading. The really simple but gooeey ones! At the end she looked at me (so so serious by the way) and says "Ash? Are these books real? Do you think that you will find a guy like him someday?" I was speechless. This little girl was sounding so serious, and profound.

Now, don't get me wrong. All little girls grow up wanting to find their "prince charming" one day, but after heart breaks, you start to doubt this whole "prince charming" idea! Righttt, Doesn't that make since??Welp, at least this is true for me. I had no idea how to answer this.. So I said yeah I hope so. This little girl then said, that I would and all I needed to do was wait.. (like the girl in the book) and then he will just appear, only if I am nice to the boy. It was so cute the way she said it!

This whole situation just kinda hit home for me. I always wanted to find my prince charming. I think it is just a girl thing really. When I was little I was always pretending to be the princess, and make my friends be the "prince" galloping on the horse. In 3rd grade my friends and I wrote what we wanted our "prince" to look like. In 4th grade we wrote a note to our "prince"! In 5th grade we would have fake marriages on top of a hill. In 6th grade, we kinda got shy around guys. In 7th grade, we became just sporty friends with guys. In 8th grade we had "crushes". In 9th grade, our expectations, were shaken. And from 9th-12th, grade we saw cheaters, liars,and "cool guys", and the way they would try to be cool around girls. This has caused me just to block relationships out from some degree. I have tons of best friends that our guys, but I have made it where I could not see anymore. When a potential nice guy talks to me, I just cut myself off to an extant. Because why lower my walls for a quote nice guy. When they can just change into a player? That has been my thinking for a while. I am scared of letting down my walls, opening up, being myself, when any minute in could be burned to flames.Geeeet it???? After hearing "but you have to be nice to boys"... I began to think.. what if one of those nice guys I didn't give a chance was a nice guy. What if he wasn't a player?What if he told the truth?What if he liked who I was?What if he wasn't doing this to look "cool" with his friends? 

I'm trying my hardest to give guys the benefit of the doubt...and freeeak........................................ It's hard.