Those were the days...

   I remember my first year of college. I really cared how I looked and dressed. I would wake up, and curl my hair and get all ready to sit in class. Between class you can bet I stopped in every mirror to see how my hair looked.

     After 5 loooooong hours of student teaching today, I walked in the bathroom to wash my hands, and I noticed a girl applying her makeup and getting all ready in the mirror. I couldn't help but think of what a loser I looked like with hair going everywhere. Stains from paint all on my arms, and my hat that some how was diagonal with a sticker on it. I couldn't even begin to explain, so I smiled and left the bathroom, with a 2 second look of shame at the mirror.

In the summer, I took some lovely summer school classes. And when I say "classes", I mean 20 ish credits (craziest stuff). Anyway, I would go to the pool, tan, work, go running, and go to school in shorts/t-shirt/ and a baseball cap everyday. I looked awful. But some days, I did my hair or even put some mascara on. I told my self that in the fall I would not be like that. I would get ready, and maybe even wear some make up. 

Ohhh Boyyy was I wrong.

I have never looked so ugly going to school.

It is so bad.

And the best part of it all is I embrace it more and more every day.

 (Ignore the clothes on my floor, I need to do laundry pronto. And ignore the pant sticker on the mirror;))

Spring Semester last year, I would have never gone to school with no make up on, but now I can barely blow dry my hair before school. It is THAT bad.

This has been the busiest semester of my life. I can not wait for next semester. Maybe next semester I will actually wear something other then sweats a t-shirt to school..;)

There is no place like home.

Here was my crazy schedule this last week:

Monday/Thursday/Friday: Work:6am-12:30.

                Student Teaching: 1:00-5:00

                Work: 6-10:00 (except Friday I don't work at night--YES!)

                 Run Errands/Social Life/homework:10:30-all night.

Tuesday/Wednesday: Work:6am-6pm 

I seriously am never home anymore, and I miss it.

I am such a baby-I know. But, my family is seriously so AMAZING.

I swear deep down I must be the biggest home body ever.

Especially when the weather is cold. There is nothing that sounds more enticing then sitting on the couch, with the fireplace on, wrapped up in blankets, wearing sweats, and talking with my family.

In 5 weeks my schedule will get a little easier, and I CAN NOT WAIT TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH THESE CRAZIES.

 In honor of the cold weather and snow falling outside, I will be reminiscing about how warm Mexico was.

Closure comes from within.

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Has it really been 3 months since my last post?

This post will probably be some rambling. Honest rambling.

Watch out:) 

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C.L.O.S.U.R.E.

(A 7 letter word that took me months to figure out)

The last little while (several months) have been hard. Life has been crazy. I have put on a smile, and just kept pushing foward. However deep down I KNEW I was caught up in the past, as embarrassing as it was to admit..and there was no way, I could push away my pride and ADMIT IT. 

 I couldn't admit it because...

 "shouldn't I be over it?" 

That thought flaunted through my head ALL THE TIME. 

But deep down, as much as I "pretended" I was. I clearly wasn't.

It wasn't that I was depressed, I was just unsure/confused/lost/ and lonely, all mixed into one huge ball and thrown into my 20 year old heart.

It was insane. I did not want the "past" back. I DID know that.

I wanted some form of closure though.I wanted it SO bad. As much as I felt like I tried , I never could get closure. I knew if I got the closure, If I asked the "why questions", if I got the answers..then I would have a "sense of closure", and therefore my past would become unattached and slowly drift away. 

Not getting the closure and not being able to talk about issues that bothered me, and caused bitterness.

...

Summer months flew by, and I began to learn more and more about myself.I like to think of this time as my "Rediscovering period of life". I  learned more about myself more in the months of July through September, than I ever thought possible. Summer was the busiest summer I have ever had. I was constantly on the go. 

Vacation after Vacation. Class every day. I litteratly never relaxed. 

I believe because of my busy summer, I never had a chance to "take a break" and reflect/think/ and honestly just come to accept the craziness that I was going through. I pushed it all to the back of my mind.

On September 1st, I decided A TON of things. You know those days where you just sit down and think,"What the heck is going on with my life" moments? That was September 1st. I made changes, wrote goals,prayed, and came to acceptance with everything. It is unbelievable to me how much power the human brain has on your attitude.

Most of all I realized something really important to me:

Closure is not a two way street in my case. I clearly was not going to get closure the way I (originally) thought I needed wanted. I would get closure, if I came to the agreement within myself that closure is sometimes not getting closure. Closure is choosing to accept things within myself.

On September 1st, that is exactly what I did.

This last month has been unbelievably great.

Why you ask?

I am happy. 

I am content.

I am much more than content.

I am confident.

I have come to accept and actually become thankful for situations I NEVER thought I would.

 

--------------------

So many new things are happening so let me fill you in on just 5 little items.

1.)-I currently go to WSU still but I am deciding about transferring to UVU. (holy cow)

2.)-I am 99.9% sure I am changing my major. (insane-I know)

3.)-I work 2 new jobs. 

4.)-I am a student teacher.

5.)-Every single friend except 3 have moved away.I have made so many new friends. (seriously a miracle.)

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Besides being confused and searching for "Closure" which was needed to be found within, I had a simply AMAZING summer. Some summer recapping will be done in the following blog post.

 

 

Pencil Skirts are not made for parks.

I was talking to my friend Rachel..she is truly the most adventurous person in the world. She is out in some part of Africa studying animals and sea land? Or something like that. Anyway, she is seriously the smartest girl ever. She keeps this amazing blog full of pictures and then writes all about her experience. She has been blogging for years, and is a total beast as it! She told me that she just copies and pastes her blogs into her journal! How cool is that? I seriously, was so shocked I never thought of that. 

Tomorrow is Monday. I think it is hilarious how much we all love our weekends. Every Sunday, I hear numerous times.."Ugh tomorrow is Monday.." Including me! I probably complain about Monday coming for at least half of my Sunday;)

I love Sundays! When I was younger Sunday was always dreaded. Sitting through 3 hours of church just seemed dreadful. Even though, I was pretty close to falling asleep today at church, it wasn't near as dreadful as when I was younger.

Churching it up with Claire is awkward/hilarious/and unforgettable all combined in one! I met this girl my Junior year in high school, and I adore her to death. It amazes me how she is single, yet alone not married. That girl is one heck of a catch! Boys' get' at' her'! So there is this guy I met not to long ago.. He wanted to go on a date but I have been so busy... he was leaving tonight, and Claire and I had a couple hours to kill after church. So I talked to him and we thought we would have a nice little date at the park? We doubled and it was lovely...besides the fact Claire and I booked it right after church to the park. Not mentioning it was burning outside, and we were wearing church clothes..Claire and I probably have doubled only about 5 times together. Seriously, 4 out of the 5 times have been activities at the park. We were troopers though, and pulled our hair up (hideous) and acted like our tight skits weren't as tight and as hot as they looked. 
PS: High waisted Pencil Skirts are NOT meant for parks.

 

Cheers to Picnics in Pencil Skirts Parking it up. 

After this burning up park date, I had a baptism to go to! Nothing like watching an adorable 8 year old boy you nannied for get baptized. I love that kid.

Happy Sunday! :)

 

July.

How on earth is it the middle of July?
There is no way..
July has been full of just down right "crazy".

It seems like my summer has vanished before my eyes! Probably because I am taking 20 credit hours this summer... (Craziest idea). But, honestly I am glad that I am making so much progress through school. I am ridiculously excited to be a teacher!

 

This consumes pretty much all my energy. Conservation Biology is awful. Taking this science class continually informs me of the lack of information I know about Science. Also, the "Reading Culture and Diversity" class is a joke. And by "Joke" I mean HARD. Not to mention the other 6 courses. 

Other then school..I try to maintain my social life..

Thank heavens I am the Queen of multitasking. 

No lie. 

Random Question for the Day? I went on a date with this guy. When the date was over, he wanted to go back to his house to watch some movies... Well I had homework, so I kindly declined and explained I had homework. He insisted on me just doing homework at his house/also watch the movie. Sooo I did homework the majority of the time. (Guuuys! I didn't even watch the movies) Like I was so consumed with studying for my Midterms I barely could carry on a convo! 

Please tell me that wasn't rude? I felt awful.

I only did this on one of my dates, the others I was behaved. Don't fret.

Besides being rude on dates, and school...I just got back from Cali & Vegas. I went with my mom and my best friend. It was the funnest trip ever, surprisingly.  I'll blog about this trip another day! Happy July Ya'll.

Crazy Dates and a little roller skate?

I am a firm believer that every single person that comes into your life, you can take something from, and apply it to your own life. You can always learn from others. Bad situations. Good situations. It's possible. Recently, I have somehow forgotten or drifted away from that thinking...

I came across a blog yesterday. It was this gorgeous girl in her 20's. She was saying something about how she HATED getting ready every night, she HATED dating around, she HATED having the same convo all the time with different guys... However, she did it because she knew it would lead her to her "Mr. Right". She talked about all these awful dating experiences she has had. It was such a great post, and I read it over and over and over again.

I have never really loved going on dates with different guys. It just always feels... I don't even know how to describe it! Two months ago, I decided heck...I won't ever find my "Prince Charming" if I wasn't willing to "get back out there". Soooooo I told myself I would say "yes" to most dates I was asked on (unless they were way creepy or a killer, or physco) you get the point.. ;) Now don't get me wrong, I have loved getting to know numerous guys. I really have. These last 2 months, I have gotten to know seriously so many amazing guys.Build amazing friendships with them and whatnot. AND don't get me wrong again, I am so greatful these all guys have asked me on dates...However, I have had so many crazy/draining experiences.

About a week ago I went to get my phone fixed, somehow the phone guy got my number and called me up on a date. I was stoked. He was adorabley good looking....AND so nice and hilarious when he was fixing my phone. So I said yes to the date, and out we went. We went to a baseball game! I was stoked. Okay so we get there...His friends just so happened to be there, and he introduced me. These were his exact words,"This is Ashley, I'm considering marrying her.." At this point I think I laughed or something, because how on earth could this not be a joke. GUYS IT WASN'T. ( Okay, I get you should try to date people you can see your life with forever/marrying, but C"mon...you don't tell your friends this after 20 minutes knowing someone) so any way... we went on to find our seats.. And then it went even more down hill.
He got the hairband off my arm, doubled it up and stuck it on my ring finger... I asked what he was doing...and he said "Just picturing you being my wife".....GUYS HE DIDN'T SMILE. HE WAS SERIOUS. So me being the weird person I am... laugh it off and say something along the lines of  "Oh are you know???"....weird.
Anyway all he asked me was:
 "Where do you want to get married"
"How many kids do ya want"
"How long do you want an engagement to be"
Okay and a million more.
It was weird. It was strange. It was awful.
It was the longest baseball game of my life.
At the end of the date, I was done. I knew as soon as I walked in the house, I would delete him off fb, and never talk to him again...but I didn't want to be mean, yet, I didn't want to lead him on. After a while, I kept saying things implying for him to stop..because it was weird..he didn't, needless to say.
When he dropped me off at home, he looked me dead in the eye. Way creepy, mind you. And asked if he thought my dad would give him my hand in marriage...I bluntly explained to him, that I was greatful for the date, but we had nothing in common, and I went into my house. Every day I get calls from him, saying how I broke his heart. I blocked his number. But GUYS! WHY ME!  So that is the most extreme crazy date I have ever experienced in the last 2 months.

Between that and the couple of other weird/awkward/ "What the heck" dates, was the reason I was really questioning the "You can always learn from others"  comment above.
What other experiences you ask?
Okay, I get I am not amazing at going on dates.
But I do know some things.
1. You don't talk about your ex the whole date.
2. You dont try to make out with your date every 3 seconds.
3. You don't get furious when your date is over.
4. You don't talk about skating the whole time.(Seriously, this guy was obsessed with skates. He didn't skate. I know nothing about him. Well a few things..other then how much he loves skates:/)

Yes, these all happened. I am finding situation 2 happening more and more frequently. A rule for myself personally, is never kiss a guy on the first date. And I kept with this rule this whole time. It just seems lame to break it..However, I do understand girls kissing guys the first date, but for me...I don't think so.

I have never seen so many guys in my whole entire life who think it is acceptable to makeout after we have talked for 20 minutes. It still catches me off guard, and makes the whole date weird. Come on boys.

Okay, enough of my rant. The point of this blog is this. I hate getting ready 3 times a week and going on dates. I hate the "awkward feeling" you sometimes get. I hate when I am ready to go home, but it has been only 30 minutes. I hate being so tired, but getting all fixed up to go on a date.
However, after reading this amazing bloggers' post on the whole "Dating Scene" I am going to try to look at it a little differently... especially through the weird dates..wish me luck..

Like I said above. The good outweighs the bad by a million. I am so grateful to the guys that respect me, and are hilarious, and I absolutely have a blast with. So grateful. Don't get me wrong, I 99.9% of the time love meeting new people, and I am so thankful that I have met all these amazing guys.. Just sometimes the whole "Dating Scene" becomes crazy, and you just need a fellow blogger to post an amazing post.:)

Enjoying the small things.

The last month has been way stressful for me. I have been on go-go-go mode for ever!

I read some quote a couple days ago  about being thankful for the small things in life. So yesterday and today I made a point to be happy for little things in my life.

Seriously, it was a pretty cool way to look at life.

So what I am recently thankful for?

 

This girl came to visit me! I love this girl more then she even knows. She makes me laugh my face off every 3 seconds. We always have weird-fun-crazy experiences happen to us. Plus she is a total babe. So thankful for her, and especially for or rapping sessions in the car. And our Olive Garden love'n.

This picture makes me smile. Today was my grandmas' birthday. You better believe we partied all day long. And did some saddle sitting at Texas Road House! She has the energy of a 16 year old and confidence better then anyone I know. She is a true example of selflessness and love. She is always willing to serve others and she is so kind! I love this woman so much, she is such a role model to me. Also, every time I see my grandma and grandpa together you can not deny for one moment the love they have for each other. I look forward to having that love one day.

 Sorry for the blurry picture... But yeah you saw that right?! 19 credit hours and all A's. So glad another semester is checked off! Totally thankful for those grades, and the opportunity for a college degree.

Lastly, I went on a first date tonight. We went to the movies! In the middle of the show a rather large man got up to get a refile.. On his way back his HUGE drink fell and splattered... But guess what?! It barely missed me and landed on the ground. I am so glad that happened. I can not explain how awkward it would be walking out of the movie on this first date with water all on pants....:/

:)