Thats the way the cookie crumbled.

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Embrace

Today was another good day. 

I pray I am not cursing myself.

I love having happy days.

However, I ran around with my head cut off.

I averaged 3 hours of sleep. ( I can't sleep anymore), went shopping, hung out with some old friends, went to Lagoon with my momma, late night wal-mart stop with great friends, then off to persuading people to vote for me on this contest (If you are reading this and have not voted, please contact me!!!) I feel like such a pest. I have been contacting literately everyone on fb just so i can win a vacation to San Diego! 

I wish I could sing and dance. Even though I know this will never come true. I still admire people who can so much. Going on stage, giving it your all, in front of a judging crowd. I go to Lagoon, and watch the shows there. They are great. I mean sure they arn't Carrie Underwood, or Michael Jackson, but they are good. I admire them a lot. Watching them have a great time, singing and dancing up there inspires me.

Talk about an offer? Today I was offered a job. When I was offered it, I turned around and couldn't help but ball. It wasn't the "ugly cry" Oprah would say...but it was a happy cry. I was offered to be a Weight loss Coach. It was such a complete shock, I couldn't even respond I just stared. This man knew my weight loss journy and everything. He said I was one of the most hardworking, ambitious, enthusiastic girls he has ever met. And that he has seen that I have a special kind of love for people. He said whenever I wanted the job I could easily get it, just let him know.

He also offered me this other job. Again as I was standing there hearing about another job, I could barely breath do to the fact, I was trying my life not to cry infront of this man...looking like such a freak lol. He said if I rejected the Coach job, then he would love to take me with him and 3 other adults. ( They are like 40) With him to different conventions, and schools, being a motivational speaker. Talking about loosing weight, gaining confidence, ect. As much as I dreamed about being a motivational speaker when I was in 2nd grade, I'm not sure how I could handle doing this.. This is all too new for me to think about esp so late.. I mean $350 a speech is amazing. But am I ready for this? How can someone with no experience just get up and do this? Ohh my life is changing.. And I'm trying my hardest to swallow it all..

Sadly, I will be rejecting it as of now I think. Summer has another month and a half, and then college. Maybe next summer. Maybe next. I have never really thought about anything like that before. I still feel shocked and proud. I have never been proud of my self. When I accomplished my "loosing weight goal" I was proud. I now look in the mirror and feel good. If I was to tell myself a year ago, that someone was going to offer me a big buck making job like this, I would be shocked. If I would have known that I would be where I am today I would more shocked.

It's crazy how everything works out. Its crazy how things fall into place. Its crazy how God knows what is going on. Its crazy how, going through "hell" is the best thing for you. It's crazy how hitting rock bottom, can flip your life around.

On an easier note..

The Bachelorette is on tonight! Man I love that show.

Boom-ahh-rang.

Boomerang Love? 

Saaaay Whaaat?

The last couple days, I have heard of the foreign words. "Boomerang Love" 

It's sending love to people you encounter. Sending love to friends. Being positive. You get the picture? Then love, happiness and joy will boomerang back at you. Thats my way of explaining these foreign words.

So I am trying this out.

By the way can I just say today has been nothing short of happy. Nothing short of joyful. I love watching prayers work. That could be my favorite thing...

So here I am watching Keeping up with the Kardashians...

and lovin it, mind you. Loving the heck out of it.

I adore these reality shows. Between Keeping up with the Kardashians, My Paris Hilton show, Basketball Wives, and The Bachelor, I'm complete in my reality department. Diss all you want on the "reality-drama filled shows", but their my favorite.

My sleeping schedule barely exists anymore, and if it does it's abnormal hours.

Let me explain.. Last night was a fun night, which consisted of getting home at 3. Going to sleep at 7. Waking up with a friend coming over at 8 delivering my phone charger. Then feeling crazy hyper ( you know the feeling with no sleep for weeks?) So then I decided, I was going "attempt" to run my butt off, for the first time in forever. So Tye and I ran until I about died. Seriously. Then it was 10.. church... then I took my nap for 2 hours, until getting woken up again.. So for the last 3 days I have gotton 5 hours of sleep. But I do love having good days, spending time with friends.

Here is my blogging for tonight. Loves.

Shocka!

extra small?

extra small?

There is no stinken way. So I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, with  this whole "loosing weight" journey. I ordered extra small pants, about 2 weeks ago. I have been dying to get my new summer stylish outfits. THEY FIT. I AM SO PROUD, YOU GOT NO IDEA. The thing about loosing weight and shopping is this..IT IS SO HARD. 1st off, You flectuate sizes every day. Which is good. It's crazy for instance. I buy an amazing pair of pants. I wear them what 3 times? Then 2 weeks later, they are hideously big. They sag like no other and are way to big. Plus your wanting people to see how skinny you are, so wearing your "fat clothes" just makes you look fat. See the point?

So every 2 weeks you have to buy more and more. Which has taken all my money these last 5 months-ish. So now i have buckets and buckets of "fat clothes" its crazy.  So for the month of June, I decided, since it is summer, I will just have a couple of outfits, until I get to a size that I want, then I will buy tons of fashionable clothes! holla! Good plan huh. Back to the basics. Soo.. I ordered these cute leggings in an extra small. And a grey tunic!! Okay. No bragging,  but I felt good. I felt really good.  Me an extra-small? There is no way. I mean yes my butt is rather ghetto. My thighs are chunky monkeys. My hips, are rather big for my waist. My tah-tahs are big, and my collar bones are poking out... But nope, those insecurities did not get to me. 

I used to be so fearful of compliments, so fearful. Well Saturday night was Jaxons' birthday. It was really a while ago but,  it still counts right? Okay so it always seems like my favorite nights are the nights that I don't have anything planned. The nights where you feel like you are totally yourself, and your thrilled to death. Thrilled. Sooooooooooo. It was just Jaxon, Ryan, Steve, and Casey. and of coarse me. (Well.. when I blog I feel like I talk about the stupidest stuff, I never know why I mention things, like their names, what the good heck????ahhhh) So I asked Jaxon what we should do for his birthday and this is the list we got. 1. hike 2. slc. 3. random drive 4.eat popcorn in the mountains 5. I can't remember #5 for the life of me.. Anyway we did all this.  Hike's are deff not my fave thing to do in the world, and i despise popcorn more then anything.. So I was going to me Timmy the trouper. Any way Jaxon told me how pretty I looked, and how I had a glow about me. 

HA. Your probably thinking I'm just weird just about now.. but wait.. listen up. I was like "ohh thanks Jaxon.." But here we go.. Get it? I just accepted the compliment. It has been one of the 1st times I just accepted it. Usually I just say "oh stop it haha" or something along that matter. That was a gigantic step for me. I'm so happy. I am so happy with who I am. Who I am working to become. Happy Day To everyone:)

Need a getaway..

What do you do when you can't sleep because of your stupid foot?

FACEBOOK

But what if you have been on Facebook for too long?

BLOG.

What if you already blogged tonight?

Blog again...

So here I go again. haha.

Growing up/ Future Plans.

Ughh... So I am 50% excited to grow up. 50% scared to death. Growing up to me, means graduating college. Getting an amazing teaching job, marrying my Mr. Right, then having children. 

But where in the god heck does traveling come in. People say you travel the world once you rettire. But what the good heck, I ain't waiting that long. I love traveling. I can say I have been very blest as a little girl.I think I love traveling because we would do that all the time when I was little. We would go on at least 1 big vacation when I was little. Ive gone to about 44 states, and tons of islands.I have gone to Alcatraz, cruise after cruise, mexico, Jamaica, Hawaii, and countless other islands. But since I have gotton older our vacations have gotton less adventurous. Why do vacations cost so much? Why does a flight cost so much?

So doesn't this sound great. Pausing your life for 2 years and just traveling the world? Just think you could start off in California, go to Disney Land, visit Alcatraz, take a trolly and sight see. Then fly to New York, visit all the Broadway shows, look at the lights, see celebs. Visit Texas, find your self a cow boy. Visit all the Beaches,swim with dolphins, visit New Orleans, go on the largest Ferris Wheel. 

Then fly over to England, Paris,look at the Eiffel tower. Fly to Tokyo, and look at all the sights their. Watch the workers throw fish, visit France and throw coins into the fountains, visit Europe,  ride animals in Africa, and visit Oprahs' girl school there. Then help out the children in Guatemala. These are just some of the places I would love to visit. Some people may say this is never going to happen, some people may think I am crazy. But I want it, real bad.

The question is when do I do this?

I can't do it before College, I'm starting that in a couple months. Once I start college I will be a poor broke college girl. So how about once I graduate? I will still be broke and looking for a teaching job then. Now lets say I find a teaching job, teachers arn't the richest girls in the world. So then I will need $$$. And lots of it. Problem again. Summer is 3 months.  Would this trip be longer then 3 months? Ohh how I wish. Do I want to take this trip with my husband? Or do I want to take it by myself. I would say husband for sure. Visiting all this with your love of your life? I'm so down for it. So my "future hubby" better  better love to travel.

Then the next question. Do you take your children with you? This is a crazy choice. If my mom was doing this, I would die if I wasn't taken. But I don't want to wait for them to be at a age where they can remember. So maybe this will all happen sooner rather then later. Maybe I sound a bit unrealistic and crazy. But there is nothing to do in Layton Utah. Sure you can go to Temple Square and site see, but once that is over then what?

Nothing. 

I want to travel the world, learn languages, talk with people. Maybe I should get a job that requires me to travel? My children would then have too choices. 1= travel with me. 2= have no mommy around. That just seems awful to me. 

Man oh Man.. Dream, please come true..

Cuz you had a Bad Day.

 Whaaataaa day.

How come when one thing goes wrong, everything goes wrong?

Today has been not the greatest for me.

Top 5 reasons why...:(

1st off. Today has been 9 days since my injury. The doctor said on day 9 I can walk around with out crutches, or that ugly wrap on my foot for about 3 hours. So today was that day!!! I was thrilled. I hated walking slow. I hated limping. I hated crutches. I hated my food being hott in that ugly device also. Well after the 1st hour I about died. My ankle/foot kills. It was awful. I went to Lagoon to walk around for 3 hours, and after the first 15 minutes I just wanted to cry. Not to mention the medicine I have to take to "reduce" the pain in my foot, side effects is migraines. I have had a constant migraine for 3 days now. Its torture.

2nd off This morning I was driving on the highway. When my jeep just stopped working. Scary experience let me tell you. My phone was dead also, yeah I know great huh? But after an hour in the burning heat and a quick prayer my poor baby started back up and I went as fast as I could back home.

3rd off The new clothes I ordered at V.S was somehow "lost" in the mail. Mind you I have been patiently waiting for 39 days, since they were on back order. So now I have another week to patiently wait.

4th off this weekend is my friends birthday, and we were all going to the lake, but nooo I have to work part of the time. Yaaay. Plus if I decide to go, I can jet ski, swim, or get on a tube, thanks to my lovely foot I can't even move.

5th off some random vicious stray dog jumped the fence to torture my sweet Allieface:) Talk about an extreme stressful situation. I was having a slow heart attach let me tell you.

Ps. This will be the 6th. I miss Missouri. I miss the people there. I miss the places there.

I miss knowing the streets, and knowing how to get around. Don't get me wrong I like it here...but when you have grown up all your life somewhere, that is your "home". And it is terribly hard to adjust to a new house/city/state, that you call "home.

But you didn't give him a chance..

"While we try to teach  children all about life, children teach us what life is all about."

It seems like ever since I have heard this quote. I wondered if it was really true..I have no children, my "little" brother is almost 16, and my "youngest" cousin is 15. 

In the last year, it seems like I have constantly been around children. It all started, when I got the job at the Davis pre-school. I was so so scared! Yes, I have babysat, but that was 4 children at the most! How can I be around 30 children at a time. How can 30 children fall in love with me? How could I fall in love with all of them? I was petrified of theese cute kids liking me. After the 1st minute, all my fears went away and for 10 months, I can say I had the time of my life. Those kids, taught me the true meaning of loving the little things in life.

I have been watching a 5 and a 7 year old girl, a couple times a week. Today I picked the 7 yr old up from a birthday party. She made sure to let me know her hair had to look perfect, because the boy that she liked was attending. After spending 1 hr on her extremely long hair, turning every strait strand into the crispest curl you have ever seen, she was ready to go.Finally.

I thought the party would go great, she would get their, feel like 10,000 bucks, her "crush" would tell her how pretty she was...you know what you picture in the cute movies...Well, I came to pick her up, and she was balling. It was awful, her face was splotched up. She told me her "crush" was being mean, he was with his boy friends and they decided to ignore her to be funny.. Well let me tell you this girl did not think it was funny. She cried hysterically for the next 2 hours But  she fell asleep..It was awful watching this...:(

Welp, the reason I typed this out is because once the 7 yr old cried herself to sleep, her little sister (age 5) was still awake. She was all distressed about her sisters crying. She told me that one day when her sister gets older that she will know that life is not all about boys. That boys were mean with their boy friends, and only sometimes nice. She then told me about this boy she used to like before he moved, but she found another boy so fast. haha. Before bed she gave me a book to read, I forgot the title but it was a little kids fairy tail ending. The kind you grin while you are reading. The really simple but gooeey ones! At the end she looked at me (so so serious by the way) and says "Ash? Are these books real? Do you think that you will find a guy like him someday?" I was speechless. This little girl was sounding so serious, and profound.

Now, don't get me wrong. All little girls grow up wanting to find their "prince charming" one day, but after heart breaks, you start to doubt this whole "prince charming" idea! Righttt, Doesn't that make since??Welp, at least this is true for me. I had no idea how to answer this.. So I said yeah I hope so. This little girl then said, that I would and all I needed to do was wait.. (like the girl in the book) and then he will just appear, only if I am nice to the boy. It was so cute the way she said it!

This whole situation just kinda hit home for me. I always wanted to find my prince charming. I think it is just a girl thing really. When I was little I was always pretending to be the princess, and make my friends be the "prince" galloping on the horse. In 3rd grade my friends and I wrote what we wanted our "prince" to look like. In 4th grade we wrote a note to our "prince"! In 5th grade we would have fake marriages on top of a hill. In 6th grade, we kinda got shy around guys. In 7th grade, we became just sporty friends with guys. In 8th grade we had "crushes". In 9th grade, our expectations, were shaken. And from 9th-12th, grade we saw cheaters, liars,and "cool guys", and the way they would try to be cool around girls. This has caused me just to block relationships out from some degree. I have tons of best friends that our guys, but I have made it where I could not see anymore. When a potential nice guy talks to me, I just cut myself off to an extant. Because why lower my walls for a quote nice guy. When they can just change into a player? That has been my thinking for a while. I am scared of letting down my walls, opening up, being myself, when any minute in could be burned to flames.Geeeet it???? After hearing "but you have to be nice to boys"... I began to think.. what if one of those nice guys I didn't give a chance was a nice guy. What if he wasn't a player?What if he told the truth?What if he liked who I was?What if he wasn't doing this to look "cool" with his friends? 

I'm trying my hardest to give guys the benefit of the doubt...and freeeak........................................ It's hard.