July.

How on earth is it the middle of July?
There is no way..
July has been full of just down right "crazy".

It seems like my summer has vanished before my eyes! Probably because I am taking 20 credit hours this summer... (Craziest idea). But, honestly I am glad that I am making so much progress through school. I am ridiculously excited to be a teacher!

 

This consumes pretty much all my energy. Conservation Biology is awful. Taking this science class continually informs me of the lack of information I know about Science. Also, the "Reading Culture and Diversity" class is a joke. And by "Joke" I mean HARD. Not to mention the other 6 courses. 

Other then school..I try to maintain my social life..

Thank heavens I am the Queen of multitasking. 

No lie. 

Random Question for the Day? I went on a date with this guy. When the date was over, he wanted to go back to his house to watch some movies... Well I had homework, so I kindly declined and explained I had homework. He insisted on me just doing homework at his house/also watch the movie. Sooo I did homework the majority of the time. (Guuuys! I didn't even watch the movies) Like I was so consumed with studying for my Midterms I barely could carry on a convo! 

Please tell me that wasn't rude? I felt awful.

I only did this on one of my dates, the others I was behaved. Don't fret.

Besides being rude on dates, and school...I just got back from Cali & Vegas. I went with my mom and my best friend. It was the funnest trip ever, surprisingly.  I'll blog about this trip another day! Happy July Ya'll.

Crazy Dates and a little roller skate?

I am a firm believer that every single person that comes into your life, you can take something from, and apply it to your own life. You can always learn from others. Bad situations. Good situations. It's possible. Recently, I have somehow forgotten or drifted away from that thinking...

I came across a blog yesterday. It was this gorgeous girl in her 20's. She was saying something about how she HATED getting ready every night, she HATED dating around, she HATED having the same convo all the time with different guys... However, she did it because she knew it would lead her to her "Mr. Right". She talked about all these awful dating experiences she has had. It was such a great post, and I read it over and over and over again.

I have never really loved going on dates with different guys. It just always feels... I don't even know how to describe it! Two months ago, I decided heck...I won't ever find my "Prince Charming" if I wasn't willing to "get back out there". Soooooo I told myself I would say "yes" to most dates I was asked on (unless they were way creepy or a killer, or physco) you get the point.. ;) Now don't get me wrong, I have loved getting to know numerous guys. I really have. These last 2 months, I have gotten to know seriously so many amazing guys.Build amazing friendships with them and whatnot. AND don't get me wrong again, I am so greatful these all guys have asked me on dates...However, I have had so many crazy/draining experiences.

About a week ago I went to get my phone fixed, somehow the phone guy got my number and called me up on a date. I was stoked. He was adorabley good looking....AND so nice and hilarious when he was fixing my phone. So I said yes to the date, and out we went. We went to a baseball game! I was stoked. Okay so we get there...His friends just so happened to be there, and he introduced me. These were his exact words,"This is Ashley, I'm considering marrying her.." At this point I think I laughed or something, because how on earth could this not be a joke. GUYS IT WASN'T. ( Okay, I get you should try to date people you can see your life with forever/marrying, but C"mon...you don't tell your friends this after 20 minutes knowing someone) so any way... we went on to find our seats.. And then it went even more down hill.
He got the hairband off my arm, doubled it up and stuck it on my ring finger... I asked what he was doing...and he said "Just picturing you being my wife".....GUYS HE DIDN'T SMILE. HE WAS SERIOUS. So me being the weird person I am... laugh it off and say something along the lines of  "Oh are you know???"....weird.
Anyway all he asked me was:
 "Where do you want to get married"
"How many kids do ya want"
"How long do you want an engagement to be"
Okay and a million more.
It was weird. It was strange. It was awful.
It was the longest baseball game of my life.
At the end of the date, I was done. I knew as soon as I walked in the house, I would delete him off fb, and never talk to him again...but I didn't want to be mean, yet, I didn't want to lead him on. After a while, I kept saying things implying for him to stop..because it was weird..he didn't, needless to say.
When he dropped me off at home, he looked me dead in the eye. Way creepy, mind you. And asked if he thought my dad would give him my hand in marriage...I bluntly explained to him, that I was greatful for the date, but we had nothing in common, and I went into my house. Every day I get calls from him, saying how I broke his heart. I blocked his number. But GUYS! WHY ME!  So that is the most extreme crazy date I have ever experienced in the last 2 months.

Between that and the couple of other weird/awkward/ "What the heck" dates, was the reason I was really questioning the "You can always learn from others"  comment above.
What other experiences you ask?
Okay, I get I am not amazing at going on dates.
But I do know some things.
1. You don't talk about your ex the whole date.
2. You dont try to make out with your date every 3 seconds.
3. You don't get furious when your date is over.
4. You don't talk about skating the whole time.(Seriously, this guy was obsessed with skates. He didn't skate. I know nothing about him. Well a few things..other then how much he loves skates:/)

Yes, these all happened. I am finding situation 2 happening more and more frequently. A rule for myself personally, is never kiss a guy on the first date. And I kept with this rule this whole time. It just seems lame to break it..However, I do understand girls kissing guys the first date, but for me...I don't think so.

I have never seen so many guys in my whole entire life who think it is acceptable to makeout after we have talked for 20 minutes. It still catches me off guard, and makes the whole date weird. Come on boys.

Okay, enough of my rant. The point of this blog is this. I hate getting ready 3 times a week and going on dates. I hate the "awkward feeling" you sometimes get. I hate when I am ready to go home, but it has been only 30 minutes. I hate being so tired, but getting all fixed up to go on a date.
However, after reading this amazing bloggers' post on the whole "Dating Scene" I am going to try to look at it a little differently... especially through the weird dates..wish me luck..

Like I said above. The good outweighs the bad by a million. I am so grateful to the guys that respect me, and are hilarious, and I absolutely have a blast with. So grateful. Don't get me wrong, I 99.9% of the time love meeting new people, and I am so thankful that I have met all these amazing guys.. Just sometimes the whole "Dating Scene" becomes crazy, and you just need a fellow blogger to post an amazing post.:)

Enjoying the small things.

The last month has been way stressful for me. I have been on go-go-go mode for ever!

I read some quote a couple days ago  about being thankful for the small things in life. So yesterday and today I made a point to be happy for little things in my life.

Seriously, it was a pretty cool way to look at life.

So what I am recently thankful for?

 

This girl came to visit me! I love this girl more then she even knows. She makes me laugh my face off every 3 seconds. We always have weird-fun-crazy experiences happen to us. Plus she is a total babe. So thankful for her, and especially for or rapping sessions in the car. And our Olive Garden love'n.

This picture makes me smile. Today was my grandmas' birthday. You better believe we partied all day long. And did some saddle sitting at Texas Road House! She has the energy of a 16 year old and confidence better then anyone I know. She is a true example of selflessness and love. She is always willing to serve others and she is so kind! I love this woman so much, she is such a role model to me. Also, every time I see my grandma and grandpa together you can not deny for one moment the love they have for each other. I look forward to having that love one day.

 Sorry for the blurry picture... But yeah you saw that right?! 19 credit hours and all A's. So glad another semester is checked off! Totally thankful for those grades, and the opportunity for a college degree.

Lastly, I went on a first date tonight. We went to the movies! In the middle of the show a rather large man got up to get a refile.. On his way back his HUGE drink fell and splattered... But guess what?! It barely missed me and landed on the ground. I am so glad that happened. I can not explain how awkward it would be walking out of the movie on this first date with water all on pants....:/

:)

I won't be like that.

I have tried for two days to blog.

I have deleted my posts a million times, because I never knew what/ how to say things.

But who am I kidding. 3 people read my blog. Hahah. And I am sure they don't even read it...

What has been going on in my life you ask? (Kidding, I totally know you can care less)But I will tell you...;)

 

Uhhhh... Mitch and I broke up. (bare with me as I ramble about this subject)

We haven't been having the best relationship for a while, and I know "breaking up" has been on our minds for some time. We both knew it was coming which puts in on a different "weird level".  WE had been in a relationship for a year and 3 days technically, and it has been exactly 2 weeks since that night.

I have always HATED seeing couples who were madly in love with each other break up, and treat each other like complete CRAP. 

HATED IT.

So I told myself since day one, I won't be like that. 

Time before the Break up we weren't exactly the nicest to each other. We were mean. Rude. Immature. And Ridiculous...which doesn't make me the happiest.

However. The night of the Break Up, in my opinion could not have been more better for an awful scenerio?

Lets back up though, before you are assume. I loved this guy. He loved me. 5 months ago if you told me we would be done a couple days after our 1yr anniversary I would honestly probably role my eyes and think you were nuts. I wanted nothing but the best for us. For me. For him. I seriously thought he could be "The One".  But things come up in relationships, and sometimes you can fix things, and other times you can't. Unfortunately, we could not fix things.

...

So now you can stop assuming that I loved this "break up" because I hated it. Now lets get something else out of the way. It was MUTUAL. Which was waaaay good. Like I was saying above, it was the perfect way to end something unfortunately we had to let go of. It was unhealthy. 

The day after all of this. I was confused. I was questioning things. I hoped and prayed we made the right decision. I remember going somewhere, and someone asked for my number. I replied "Oh no, I have a boyfriend."Then it hit me. I don't. WE are over. Our relationship is over. I am single. He is single. I lost it. (The guy probably thought I was in the Psych Ward or something haha.) But at that moment it hit me. 

2 weeks later and where am I you ask? (I know you are not asking this question either...;))

I am okay. I am great. I am great for many reasons. Yes, I miss Mitch. Yes, sometimes I see something I wanna show him, or want to tell him about something. But then I think "oh we don't talk". And then I am okay. In the begining it was new for me. And now looking back how could it not be weird? I used to think about him all the time? Why all of the sudden stop? I got over that phase. Then the new phase came suprisingly. The "Why" phase. To be honest I was mad/sad/upset/angry. Yes, I wish sometimes I didn't hear certain things he told me repeating in my head. Yes, I wished he did things better. Yes, I wish this and I wish that. But that is life.

My friends are astonished I am not mad. But the thing is this. I was madly in love with this guy. I seriously would do anytttthiiiiiing for him. Holy Cow I loved him ya'll. To be honest. I still without a doubt care for him. In a different way. My bitterness is gone. I want the best for him. A couple nights I went on my "first date" since all this. This guy I went with said something along the lines of "From 1-10 how much do you hate your ex". I thought for a moment and said "Not at all"? Seriously, that seems so absurd to me. I want us both to be happy. I do not regret our relationship. I learned so much from it. I am so thankful for our relationship. I care for him, and I wish nothing but the best for him. No, I don't think we will be seeing each other tomorrow and being best friends by any means. But still

Next subject.

Awkward dating scene. 

I always hated the "dating scene".

I have been blessed to go on 2 dates since this "break up".

With 2 amazing, caring guys. 

I am so glad these 2 dates have been good. 

"Easing my way back into single life one good date as a time" Julie says.

Well that is a wrap.

To do list for the hour.

There is so much on my mind...

1. I need to study for my lovely praxis test..(stressed to max about that)
2. I need to make definite plans on my vacations this summer.
3. I need to do some major organization in my life.
4. I NEED to eat healthy. And run/ work out. (Day 1 again..wish me luck!)
5. I have so much laundry I need to do..
6. Homework.(Oh how that will never ever end)
7. So much more... but my wrist hurts from typing in this splint.

These last couple days I realized I need to really prioritize, and organize my life so much better.

I need to focus on what I want.

I have been a complete "music junkie" as of the last 2 days. 

I seriously don't know why? Or what is wrong with me. But I love it. 

I have so much on my mind but I'm off to studying for this darn praxis test. 

PS. It is a 50% pass rate. 

Cool praxis test makers. Reaaal Cool.

Maxi Skirts & Emergency Room visits. Go figure.

"With every negative you need to start with a positive first" 

This concept is stressed to me every day in my Education Classes...;)

With that being said. Lets talk about a positive subject.

Shopping.
Ever since I was seriously so little, I enjoyed shopping. Loved shopping. Seriously, I love going to stores. Shopping is seriously MY therapy. It really makes me happy. What is better then being in a bad mood and then...seeing a flash of a bright pink shirt? Nothing. Or a mint green necklace? Seriously, People. I love it. 
I love shopping all around for the "best item" or better yet.. finding different articles of clothing, and putting them all together. Well this particular day I wanted to scout out the best maxi skirts. And what is better then having some retail therapy after a couple die hard stressful weeks? Nothing.

Now, this whole "Maxi Skirt Fad"here in Utah has been going on for some time now.  I totally thought they are adorable. But maybe not for me. Until.. I came across this Instagram picture of this adorable, I mean ADOOOORAAABBBLE MAXI. I became in love. Did my research. And contacted who sold them. It was a company that goes to peoples' houses. So I was off to some random woman's' house to check these Maxi's out. Ended up that they were the cutest skirts I have ever seen. so colorful and spring-yyy.  I bought 12. 12. Twelve. I really couldn't pick. I have a problem. A serious problem people.
After that I ended up buying some cute necklaces to go with them. Ate dinner at Olive Garden (Seriously, can not consume enough of their salad) and came home, feeling lucky and happy. 

Ps.....The company is called Honey and Lace.. I HIGHLY recommend them. Check them out.
http://www.honeyandlace.net/

^^^^

Okay that is the positive.

So I walked in the front door (so happy from my shopping purchases/retail therapy) said hi to my crazy dogs jumping all over me...and began to go down the stairs... 
That's when IT happened. 

BOOM. 

I somehow managed to fall down all the stairs. I had probably 12 full shopping bags in my hand and my ginormous purse on my shoulder... Well I ended up crying historically ( did I mention this was the only day I didn't put on my water proof mascara??) story of my life. My left arm was literally deformed curld up by my chest. 

Every time I would look at my arm I would want to throw up and cry more and more. I went to the Emergency Room where they told me my arm was " temporarily paralyzed" and HOPEFULLY in six weeks it would come out of it. They made me do all sorts of crazy arm movements...which hurt like crazy. They also said nothing else was wrong with my arm...weird.

       I knew that wasn't right. I went to an orthopedic doctor the next day and found out I fractured two bones in my wrist. Temporarily paralyzed my arm and the nerves that go from my armpit to my fingers was terribly bruised causing all these gross bruises up and down my arm. AND GET THIS the exercises the nurse in the emergency room was doing to my arm the night before did not help my arm... It HURT IT! Such a joke haha. Anyway I have this splint on my arm now. If my fracture is worse then I will need a cast for six weeks... did I mention I can't do my makeup/hair/ yet alone put pants on (good thing I bought all those skirts the night of the fall;)) hopefully I won't need a cast..

( My mom thought she was so funny taking pictures of my 2am emergency visit....:/)

 (The bones that are fractured are connected to the bottom of my thumb.. which calls for a weird cast.. You would be surprised how many people ask if my thumb was amputated. Awkward Conversation.. Let me tell you.)

I have had this stupid cast thing on for a week. It is crazy to me how people react to it. Like yes it is just a simple cast.. yet the way people treat me honestly cracks me up. But that is another blog post.....;)

Scariest moment in my life..

If you know me, you know I am the biggest scaredy cat in the world. I am scared of SO many things..Sharks/Oceans/Bugs/SPIDERS/bears/killers/burglars/ rapists/getting sick/germs, and a million others..
All my life I have always had these fears, I think it goes back to all my "scary" experiences I have delt with.

When I was 4 years old I got lost at the Discovery Center. My mom took my brother to the car because he wasn't feeling good. My dad was suposde to be in charge of me. He thought my mom took me back to the car as well.. But really I had wandered off to look at the electricity center. My dad walked about 10 minutes away to bring some food back to the car. Little did he know I was lost on the top level of the Discovery Center. Long Story short. I was to scared to ask for help (Because I didn't want anyone to kidknap me) So I wandered the Discovery Center for an hour.  It was awful. I remember talking to God as I walked around the center, asking him to help me find my family. I remember it so clear to this day.

When I was 9 years old, my mom picked me up from Elementary school early, and I could tell something was wrong. She told me that 3 men broke into my house in the middle of the afternoon. I was terrified. People broke into my house? They didn't steal anything? What did they want? As my mom pulled into our drieway I was even more freaked out. Yellow tape everywhere. Policemen all outside my house. Police Cars all down my street. No one had any answers of why those men broke in. Days passed, and we were allowed back into our house. The men were never found, and that scared me even more. Every day since that day, I am scared to death of break ins. I remember constantly praying that those men broke in the wrong house, and would never come back.

When I was 15 years old I went downtown with some of my friends. We got lost and couldnt find where we parked. Hours passed, and it became very late. We found the area we parked finally, and only had a 10 minute walk back to my friends' car. We were 5 minutes away from getting to our car, when I felt like we should run. Some may say I was crazy, or that I just wanted to run, but knowing what I know, and knew then, I knew it was the spirit. So I panicked and told all my friends that we had to run fast to our car. I took off running (I am sure I looked crazy) but thanksfully my friends sprinted as well..At that moment I didn't know why I was running? I didn't know who I was running from? And I definitely didn't know why God was telling me to run. A minute after we started running, again I felt like I should look to my left. As I turned around and looked to my left, I saw a clearly unstable woman..with a big knife. The kind you see in movies. As I saw this woman, I felt calm. My friends freaked out and cried and could barely run, however I felt extreme comfort knowing I would be safe. We all made it back to the car. Thanks heavens no one was hurt.

When I was 16 years old my mom,brother,grandparents and I  moved. Being an insecure, overweight, teen in highschool...is hard. But, I had friends. When I was told we were going to move, I was petrified. Many nights for years laying,having no plans, sad,depressed. I would pray to my Hevanly Father asking him for things. Without prayer I know without a doubt I wouldn'y be as happy here as I am today.

Today..topped everything. I always say my prayers on the way to school in the morning. I find it such a good time to talk to my Heavenly father, and thank him. The last couple mornings I have somehow forgot to pray in the mornings. This morning it hit me. "Ashley pray to be safe on your way to school." I really didn't think anything of it AT ALL. I always pray to be kept safe. Little did I know that that praywe probably saved my life. So I said a way meaningful prayer, and continued on with my drive. 10 minutes or so later on the highway I heard a loud motor coming my way. I was in the far left lane, and saw the car infront of me veer so fast to the small sholder of the road. I looked to my right and I saw a car going SO FAST pull right infront of me. It was awful. So this is what happened. I was driving in the far left lane. A car came off the off ramp(the farthest right lane) and instead of just merging into the lane that  he was suposde to go..he totally jerked his car, cut through all 4 lanes and flew right infront of my car. The car infront of me saw the car coming her way moments before me, so she took the side of the road. I couldn't pull to the side or I would hit the car infront of me. I couldn't pull to the right or I would hit the car to my right. So I slammed on my breaks shaking in pure shock. My car like heated up and smoke came out of my car making it so awful to even see during those 5 seconds I was pushing as hard as I could on the breaks. I remember in those 5 seconds I looked and saw the crazy car passing infront of me, and looking behind me and seeing a huge truck centimeters away from rearending me.Hard.

The car flew right past me mabye at most a foot away from my car and hit the side of the sholder and spon?spin?spinned? haha "whatever the word its", anyway the car made  a million circles and stopped. The Truck behind me got hit by the car behind him..I was in total shock.

I am so greatful to my Heavenly Father for watching over me. These last couple weeks have been just "differnt" for me. Experiencing emotions I have never felt, dealing with obstacles, trials,new experiences. Sometimes I get so sidetracked with life I forget who/and what matters most. I am so thankful that my Father in Heaven humbles me, and helps show me how precious things are.

..Life is Beautiful..

Your life is Beautiful.