Simplicity.

So much has been going on lately, my little ole' blog has been so sadly deprived. 

I'm the biggest quote freak out there... So whats better then a couple good quotes on Wednesday? Happy Wednesday.

One week from today, I will be flying to NYC. Turning off my phone, not checking fb, not checking twitter, not blogging, or looking at pinterest. I won't be blaring music off my laptop, or watching hilarious youtube videos. I will be enjoying my amazing family, as they embarrass the living heck out of me. And honestly, I am thrilled...

What I believe!

Lets take a jump and talk about something crazy shall we?

Recently... one of my friends, called me in tears asking me about what I believe? If I believed in a God? What do I value/believe? And other questions relating to this topic.

...

As I heard her voice on the other line, I was taken back for a moment. 

A. This was a serious, question!

B. How do I respond to this?

C. Do my friends really not know what I believe/value?

After hours on the phone, and lots of time reflecting over the whole ordeal I realized a lot of things. I realized how lucky I am, to have the knowledge and truth I do have, I also realized how thankful I am for the people in my life that I know were put in my life for a reason. I also realized I should maybe make it more known the questions that I was asked (mentioned above). Also, everything I so strongly believe reflects right back to the "Young Women's Theme."

Living in Utah I take tons of things for advantage. First off, I can choose to surround myself with people of my own values. Second off, yes there are tons of pressure to do bad things, go a little far with a guy, or not attend church...Buuuut there are good pressures as well. If that makes sense? When I lived in Missouri, lots of my Missouri friends knew I was LDS but maybe were too afraid to bring it up? Or maybe other reasons? The girl that called me was one of my Missouri friends, and I was taken back that she didn't know what I knew was true, and valued.

So here we go blogging friends, you probably aren't wondering...but say that.0009% chance you are, here are my answers.

Do I believe in a God? First off, I believe in a God. Yes. I know he watches over me. I know he loves me. I know that when a trial is placed in my life, that he will help me through it. When I am lonely, or sad, or happy, I can talk to him. I know that God has a plan for each of us. Knowing that God has a plan for each of us, honestly never made sense to me? I would ask myself that question all the time? this last year I learned God does have a plan for me. god has a plan for everyone. A couple years ago, I would of never thought, I would have moved to Utah. I would of never thought my family would be this close. I never thought I would be so happy. I know that God loves me, and I love him.

Now to the tricky one...what do I believe value? Well this may be random..but here me out...haha.

I believe in Heavenly Father. I believe in his son Jesus Christ as well. I also believe in the Holy Ghost. I believe in the power of prayer. I feel as if I relate to the last couple years of my life so much, but it has been the hardest, and most learning, and growing years of my life. I have learned the importance of prayers. I know that God hears my prayers. I know that having a prayer in your heart will help you tremendous amounts. When times are hard, the first thing I  ever think of is..."I gotta pray!" The power of  prayer is unbelievable. Talking to Heavenly Father has helped me unbelievable amounts.

I know that each one of us were put into our family for a reason..I know the importance of eternal families. I know that families can be together forever, I am so grateful that I will be with my family after we all die. Going along with families, I value it and believe in the power of a "strong family". I have always been so excited to get married, to have cute babies, and most importantly to always be with them..not only in this life, but after this life as well. I know that the devil tries so hard to tear the family apart. I have seen the results of this, and it breaks my heart. I know that temple marriages are true. I am so excited to be sealed to my husband forever in the temple.I know that if we have faith and ask God for help, we can not give in to what the devil wants.

I believe in the power of the priesthood. I know how important the priesthood is, and value it so much. When I got sick, I received countless blessings. The blessings didn't "cure" me. But more importantly the blessings helped me stay strong, made me believe, and have faith in the whole "journey". I think it is adorable, and so good when a guy honors his priesthood and fulfills it. All through growing up, I knew I wanted to marry a man that honored his priesthood, when I was 15 and my "teen years" haha kicked in, I just wanted a hott boy? Thank heavens reality hit back in, and I got my priorities straight. I am so thankful for the priesthood, and for the guys that honor and take it seriously. 

I know that trials are put in our life for a reason. Throughout my life, there has been countless little and big trials thrown in my direction. As I sit here crying as I blog, I know that they were put in my life to help me grow up, and become stronger. There were so many times I wanted to give in, follow the peer pressure, not fight for what I deserved, not go to church, not believe in what I knew, but by fighting and having faith...I somehow with the majority of God somehow conquered them all? I know that the trials everyone is given, is given to them because God KNOWS that we can handle them if we have FAITH.

I know I am a daughter of God. I know that we are all children of God. I know that my body is a temple, and respecting it is so important. I know that repentance is so so amazing. I know God will forgive you no matter what. The repentance process is so so dear to me. I am so thankful for the chance to repent and be forgiven. 

Lastly, I believe in my church. For those of you don't know, I am LDS. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I know this is the only true church. I am so grateful my mom and grandparents taught me how important the church was to them, and set such a great example for me. I am so thankful for the Young Woman's program....my closest friends back home, were the girls with the same values as me in the program.. I remember saying the theme every Sunday, reminding myself I am a daughter of Heavenly Father, that he does love me and I love him. The last part of the theme says...

"We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values, we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation."

I just love those lines as well. Not only do we accept the values, we learn and ACT upon them...in order to strengthen our relationships among family, and so on.

So there is just some of what I believe and value. I know my values and beliefs may be different then yours. I respect that 200%. If any of my lovely blogger friends/ readers have any questions about what I believe you can ask me, oooooor refer to

http://www.lds.org/?lang=eng 

or I can have some pretty cool missionaries, come teach ya some amazing stuff!!!

"I'm okay..."

I need a good venting...


These past couple of days have been hard.So hard. 
I've felt alone, I've felt like things should turn around...and they just keep getting worse..


I guess what I hate the most about this week, is that sometimes I feel that I really don't have people that understand. Sure my family is there for me, but it kills me watching them go through the exact same thing I am. Sure my friends will listen, but they never experienced all this, and I am sure they don't care. Although, the last couple days I have been "trying" my hardest to cope, and take in everything...deep down I am hurt. I have been trying my hardest to stay strong for everyone, but you can only stay strong and positive for so long before reality sets in. 


I have always hated crying infront of people, and letting them know that I am hurt..I have been told recently numerous times that I don't always have to be strong. But all my life, Ive tried to be the strong girl, the girl that would take the punches with a smile and move on...But deep down, I am scared of letting people know I am actually not okay, that I had an awful day, or that I had a hard day, or that no I am actually not happy everyday.Some days I wish someone wouldn't believe that I "am doing okay". Some days I wish I was made to open up, instead of trying to hold it in. Now don't get me wrong, I am not some depressant freak, but we all have up and down days. Unfortunately this week has been filled with more downer days then up days..


-I am petrified of going to the doctor, and praying the results come back okay.
-I am petrified that I am not being the "bigger" person.
-I am not sure how to handle people in my life.
-I hate the uncertainty of not knowing. 
-I hate how mean people can be to me, simply because I am bettering my life.
-I hate doubting myself to the point that I begin to doubt the relationships I am in.


It is so hard trying to not let all these issues get to me, since one hits me right after the other this whole week. It is so hard not letting other effect my thinking. Moments like this, just makes me want to have a good deep cry session. 


These last couple sleepless nights, and bad days have been draining. I am crossing my fingers everything straightens out..To all the people I have been a complete brat to, I am apologizing. 

I am so so over these last couple of days.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Does perfect even exist? When I was a little girl, I remember I had my "perfect plans". I wanted all A's. I wanted to be the popular girl in school. I wanted the popular boyfriend. I wanted to be married at age 22. Kids at age 24. I had my "perfect plans"..so I thought.

When I started middle school and high school... I remember wanting the perfect body. I wanted the perfect hair. I wanted the perfect clothes. I wanted the perfect days. I wanted the perfect vacations. I wanted the perfect friends. I wanted the perfect life.

When I moved to Utah. I was in shock. The girls were skinny. The girls had long blond hair everywhere I looked! I saw the most attractive girls, with a full set of make up on working out. The girls woke up so early, and went to bed at a decent time. Most everyone was in a relationship. Everyone ran around with smiles on their faces. All these girls had a mom and a dad. They had tons of family so close by!These girls knew everything. They sewed, quilted, cooked, and did everything else humanely possible.

Like a lot of people may feel...I felt nonetheless inadequate. I did not feel "perfect." At this time in my life I  felt as if I was beneath these girls. With all that being said I worked really hard last summer, trying to accept the fact that my life is not perfect.  Through out the year 

I have been trying to "accept the things I can not change". 

With all that being said..

This last couple of weeks I have been so happy. The crazy thing is that these last couple weeks haven't been that great. I feel as if someone watched my life these last couple weeks.. They would be like "What the heck?" How have you been happy? These last 2 weeks weren't a big deal? But bare with me as I try to explain this. Throughout my life I have had my fair share of obstacles. I have had my fair share of nights where I would just cry myself to sleep. I have had my fair share of days I would envy other peoples' lives, and wish my life would be that "perfect". Well I have learned to love the life I was given.  Sure I have plenty of crap I deal with, but to me...my life is perfect. I am glad I have obstacles, I am glad my life isn't boring, (as much as some days I would love for their not to be.)

I think "perfect" is such a stupid word, everyone wants to look perfect. Feel perfect. Act perfect, and be perfect. I can't say I blame them? I want all those things as well. But, there is a line that people need to make? What is real? And what is perfect? Before learning about the world, I thought those sexy girls on the cover of Victoria Secret magazines really looked like that. I thought celebrities always looked like that as well. I had no idea all the "fakeness" that went into trying to look "perfect". 

So I guess all I am trying to say is that my life isn't the ideal perfect, but it is perfect to me. These last couple of weeks haven't been so so great, but they have been great to me. Perfect in my opinion is how you view it. Knowing that "perfect" may not always exist was  the start to actually turning my life into what is "perfect" for me. Sure I am not a size 0. Sure I get acne when I don't wash my face at night. Sure I can't cook a gourmet meal worth my life. Sure I can't sew, or play sports. Sure I don't have the "ideal" family, but honestly I wouldn't change a thing. My life is so perfect for me. 

Soo shall we catch up on these last couple weeks through pictures?! Kapeesh. 

The weather has been so great. So tanning with my doggie has definitely been happening..

This cute girl came home for the summer. That means; Crazy talks, pictures,&long drives.

Being out of school means some major family bonding times. Driving around with my grandpa on sunny afternoons are the best.

Photoboothing it up with my mommy have been going down..for hours. haha

Making this good looking fella smile for pictures have been happening quite a bit!

Watching movies at abnormal hours of the nights just completes every night.

...

So that sums up the last week or so..

On a side note.. These last couple weeks I have gotten atooon of comments from people reading my blog. How much it has "Helped them" "How real it is""Your life seems even crazier then mine" and everything else.  When I first started blogging, I would read peoples' blogs and think "holy cow there life is so perfect"... I wasn't sure how I could even compete with their perfect life I guess.  I debated on leaving my "crappy days" out of the blog. Obviously I decided to include the good, bad,and the ugly. When I first started blogging, the pure purpose was just to vent my feelings, and express myself so hearing all these positive comments just make my day! So to all of you guys reading my crazy "unperfect" blog, more power to ya :)

WELP THATS A WRAP FOLKS.